The Story You Haven't Heard
by LoveandLearn
Summary: Derek thinks he knows everything there is to know about Addison and her past but the truth is he is missing a vital piece of information which could change everything he knows about his marriage.
1. Chapter 1

What you need to know: Story starts around the a few days before the Christmas episode of season 2.

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><p>Derek paced back and forth in the lobby of the hospital with two cups of coffee in his hand. He received a call from his mother early in the morning telling him that she was about to board a plane to Seattle. Derek got another call an hour earlier and that's when his mother informed him that her plane had landed. She said she was going to get her luggage and take a cab to the hospital. That's how Derek ended up pacing the halls anxiously waiting.<p>

Addison walked in through the sliding doors and saw her husband walking back and forth. She moved toward him and raised a brow. "Hey, babe. Were you waiting for me?" she asked, smiling just slightly at the thought.

Derek stared at her blankly for a few seconds. He realized that he was standing in a hall at 8 in the morning with two cups of coffee in his hand. He didn't know how to tell her the truth. "I'm waiting for…"

"Someone else." She finished for him without being able to hide her disappointment. She had hoped that for once since her arrival in Seattle her husband was showing affection. "I should go. I've got a c-section in a 20 minutes and I still have to change and give her a pre-op exam." She said before walking away.

Derek's eye followed her until she entered the elevator and the doors closed, no longer allowing him to see her. He felt the familiar heaviness in his chest, it had been there since he agreed to make their relationship work and he didn't know how to make it go away.

"Derek." A familiar voice called from behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Derek quickly turned around and smiled. "Mom!" he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around the woman. After pulling out of the hug he held out the cup of coffee and her and smiled. "Black with one pack of brown sugar...you still drink it like that, right?" he asked.

Carolyn nodded and accepted the cup. "Thank you, Derek. I needed some decent coffee. The stuff they served on the plane was terrible." She said gratefully as she took a sip. "I've missed you, son! It's like you moved out here and forgot how to call me every once in a while so I can know how my only boy is doing."

"I've just been really busy." He answered as they walked toward the elevator. Derek led her into his office and watched as she got settled on one of the chairs in front of his desk.

Carolyn picked up the name plate from the front of the desk and inspected it before smiling at her son. "Derek Shepherd, M.D Head of Neurosurgery and Neurology." She read alone proudly. "My son is the head of his department at Seattle Grace." She set the name plate back down on the desk and looked at him seriously. "But really, Derek, how are you?"

"I'm fine." Derek replied as convincingly as he could.

"Derek, you left your wife, your friends, your career…your home and you moved here. That can't be 'fine.' Talk to me, Derek. I'm your mother, you used to tell me everything."

"There is nothing to tell, Mom. I'm fine. Shi…" he stopped himself from finishing the word. "Stuff happens. I'm fine. I'm doing alright…" but he was interrupted before he could finish.

"Derek." Addison said as she appeared in the doorway. She stopped before walking past the threshold, her eyes fixed on the woman in the chair in front of her husband's desk. "Mom!" she exclaimed in surprise.

"Addison." Carolyn replied with equal shock while staring at Addison as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Addison, what are you doing here? You said you had a c-section scheduled for right now." Derek asked quickly, again feeling the heaviness in his chest.

"I did but then I got paged to the ER for a more emergent case so my resident took over the c-section. I came up here to talk to you because I need a consult for the patient who came in." she answered, still stunned by her mother-in-law's presence. "But she's stable, she can wait a few minutes. What are you doing here, Mom? Why didn't you tell us you were coming?"

"Actually she did tell me." Derek spoke up. "But I haven't had the chance to tell you."

"Oh." She mumbled and awkwardly looked down to the crocs she had changed into for the surgery she thought she had. The beeping of her cell phone broke the silence between them so she checked the page. "Resident is having trouble with the c-section. I've gotta go. I'll come back about the patient." She said before quickly leaving.

"Addison is here." Carolyn stated in shock, staring at her son with her jaw hanging open. "How can you neglect to mention something like that?"

"I don't know! It never came up." Derek replied defensively as he took a seat on the comfortable, black leather chair behind his desk. "Two months after I moved Richard called her to Seattle for a surgery that only she and four other people in the world can do and she brought divorce papers with her but I couldn't sign. I asked her to move from New York and she did so here we are."

"You're still together?" Carolyn exclaimed with disbelief. "You've been together all this time and you never found the right time to mention it? You tell all your sisters about some girl you met and how refreshing it is and it turns out that's all a lie and you're still with Addison!"

"It wasn't a lie." Derek told his mother. "I was with someone else when Addison first came out here."

They sat there in an awkward silence for a little while, neither knew what to say. Carolyn didn't want to hurt her son with too many question. She just wanted what was best for him and for 15 years she was of the firm belief that Addison was not best for her son. She was thrilled when she discovered Derek had left her, he hoped he would finally find someone who suited him better.

Addison had been walking down the hall back toward her husband's office. It had been 15 minutes since she left so she was hoping Carolyn would be gone. She didn't want to be confronted about the affair. She didn't want Carolyn to pretend to be the mother Addison wished to have. She was just about to walk in through the door when she heard Carolyn ask, "Are you happy with her at least?"

Addison froze outside the door. She knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping but she wanted to know the honest answer so she stayed still and quiet.

"I don't know." Derek replied.

"You don't know?" Carolyn repeated. "What is there to not know? Either you're happy together or you're not."

"We're trying."

"You shouldn't have to try to be happy." Carolyn answered. "Do you love her? Addison, I mean. Do you still love her?"

"I don't know." He admitted again with a touch of guilt to his voice. "I'm trying." He repeated.

"You're trying to love her? You shouldn't have to try to love your wife, Derek. Again, either you do or you don't." his mother told him. "And the girl you were with. I believe Nancy said she was an intern. Do you love her?"

"I did. I don't know if I still do. I used to love Addison too but we've got so much baggage and I don't know if I can ever forgive her for what she did. She's not the same person I fell in love with 14 years ago."

"So why are you still with her? Why didn't you sign the papers and move on with your life? You're giving her false hope that she's still got something to hold on to and you're holding yourself back." Carolyn told her son softly. "I never liked Addison, you know that. I didn't think she's right for you. But she's not a bad person…if you look passed the adultery. She deserves to find someone who will understand her and love her better than you are now. And you, you deserve to be happy. You don't deserve to 'try' to be happy or 'try' to love someone and she doesn't deserve someone to 'try' to love her." She paused and looked into Derek's eyes. "Why didn't you sign the divorce papers if you felt this way?"

"I didn't want to be the one to end our 11 year marriage. I don't want people saying I left her. She doesn't get to be the victim. She's the one that cheated, she's not the victim." Derek told his mother. "I didn't sign the papers thinking we'd try for a month or so and she'd realize it's not working and go back to New York to proceed with the divorce. I wasn't expecting her to stick around and put this much effort. And now I don't know if I want her to go or not…"

Addison felt like a knife was stabbed and twisted into her stomach. She quickly moved away from the door and locked herself into a supply closet to let out a sob she'd been holding in. It only took her two additional minutes to collect herself before she wiped away the evidence of her weakness and went on with her day.

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><p>Carolyn walked through the halls of Seattle Grace trying to locate Addison's office. She stopped when she saw a small sign beside the door with her name on it. Carolyn lightly knocked on the door and poked her head in when she heard no answer. She saw Addison curled up with her back to the door on a small couch in the darkened room. She hesitated for a moment before calling her name to wake her.<p>

Addison turned over on her back and sat up as soon as she saw her mother-in-law. "Mom." she said, forcing a convincing smile.

"Are you alright?" Carolyn asked, noticing that something was off with Addison.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Addison replied assuringly. "Richard added me to his team with the intention of building up a NICU that tops every other NICU west of what I had helped create in New York. Let's just say it's a lot more time consuming when you're not a team with 5 other brilliant neonatologists. I haven't slept a full 8 hours since I got here." She added, smoothing making her lie much more convincing.

Addison did not grow up with parents who could tell when she was lie, she didn't have someone comforting her through hard times and rooting her on through achievements. That changed when she became a part of Derek's family and she was grateful for that. But now she knew that she never belonged and that all the affection she'd received through the years was fake.

"Are you sure that's it?" Carolyn pressed on. "You look pale, you're slightly thinner. You are a lot less energetic and happy than I remember you. I just feel like something is going on with you. You can tell me, you know."

"I can't." Addison replied simply. "I'm not ready to talk about whatever it is that's bothering me and I'm sure as hell not going to burden you with being the one to listen to it. I'll be fine. You're here to see your son because you haven't seen him in a very long time and I'm not going to ruin this trip for you."

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><p>Hey, guys! New Story :)<br>The first chapter is very vague, I know you can't really figure out the plot based on what you've read so far but things will get intersting, I promise. At least I hope you guys find it interesting.

Let me know what you think so far and if you're up to it, try to guess what's going going on with Addison.

Oh, AmyHale, you don't count because you already know and thank you for helping me get my thoughts in order for this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek guided his mother through the halls of Seattle Grace toward the lobby despite the fact that he had taken the day off for her. He decided he wanted to stop by to do quick afternoon rounds to make sure all his patients were alright and then promised to take her to a late lunch.

"See, it only took half an hour. I've never done rounds so quickly."

"You skipped 8 patients, Derek, you claimed they whine too much and if you went in to see them you'd be stuck in there for 10 to 15 minutes per patient." Carolyn reminded him disapprovingly. "And here I was this proud, dotting mother who claimed her son was the best thing to happen to the surgical world when really you're just as arrogant and insensitive as all the other surgeons in the country."

"I'm not arrogant or insensitive, I just don't want to listen to patients complain about the consistency of the jello when I could be spending time with my lovely mother whom I don't see very often." Derek remarked with a sly smirk on his face.

"Addison." Carolyn called out as soon as they exited the hospital and saw Addison standing in line at the coffee cart they were walking passed.

Addison looked up from her cell phone and saw her mother-in-law and husband passing by. She forced a smile on her face to greet them then continued to check her email on her Blackberry.

"Ask her to join us, Derek." His mother whispered as she nudged his side with her elbow.

"Why would I do that? You don't like her. I don't particularly enjoy spending time with her. Besides, she's getting coffee." Derek mumbled back to his mother quietly.

"She is your wife." Carolyn hissed through her teeth, "She seems depressed, Derek. She doesn't look like she's been eating properly, sleeping properly or…anything to be honest. It wouldn't hurt you to show some attention so she has some incentive to take care of herself."

Derek groaned and stepped closer to where Addison was standing in the line. She looked up from her email again when she felt someone in invading her personal space. "Derek." She murmured, looking up at him curiously. "Did you need something?"

"I uh…do you want to join us for lunch?"

"Oh." She sounded a little surprised at the offer. "I don't want to bother you two. I'm sure you've got a lot of catching up to do and I'd be… in the way."

Derek shrugged and turned around to see his mother glaring at him. He groaned quietly and turned back to Addison who was just about to place her order. "No, Addison, you won't be in the way. If we didn't want you there than we wouldn't have asked you to join us." He answered as convincingly as he could.

She agreed quietly and followed behind him toward his car. She got opened the back door of the car and climbed in while Derek opened the passenger door for Caroyl. She took off her lab coat then tossed it on the empty seat next to her and straightened out her skirt while she watched Derek act like the perfect gentleman. She remained quiet during the short car trip to the bay and proceeded not to interrupt long after they had been seated and their orders had been placed.

"The kids miss you two terribly. Jack is always asks why you don't come over anymore."

Derek responded with a smile then said, "I should call him and see how everything is gone. I've heard second grade is kinda tough, I'm sure he's got a lot to say about it." he glanced at Addison who was staring intently down at her chicken fettuccine Alferado and all her focus seemed to be on piling all the pieces of chicken on a separate side of the plate then mixing everything and starting over. "Addie…" he called out and caused her head to jolt up.

"Sorry, I zoned out. I've got a lot on my mind. What were you saying?" she asked, speaking for the first time since she joined the outing.

"We were talking about the kids. Mom was just saying that they miss us. I'm thinking we should call them soon or maybe go to visit for a few days sometime next month. I don't know about you but I could really use a few days away from that hospital." He replied.

She nodded. "You should defiantly go for a visit." She replied with a small supportive smile.

"I said _we." _

"Oh, I uh, I don't think I can go back to the east coast. I just…." She stopped to think of the right excuse that wouldn't cause any suspicion to arise then continued to say, "I've got a lot of work here and I'm sure Richard would not give me a few days off for a trip."

"That's true, I'm Richard would end up having a heart attack if you asked him for time off. He's invested quite a few million dollars in bringing you here to start a state of the art NICU for his hospital and he still have to figure out how to finance the actual reconstruction of the old wing plus a new better trained staff plus all the equipment. That's like 50 mill minimum, right? He'd lose money for everyday you're not at work to make sure things are moving on schedule. But, Addison, Will you at least make time to call them one of these nights? Or maybe we can try Skype. I've heard it's cool." Derek replied.

"Derek, I'm sure your nieces and nephews have no interest in talking to me." Addison finally told him her honest opinion.

"They love you, Addison." Carolyn insisted. "Kathleen thinks as soon as Jennifer hit 13 you became her new favorite person in the world. You were the only person she'd go to when she had a problem or needed advice. She thought you left without warning because you were getting annoyed by it. Now she doesn't talk to anyone. You're Jen's favorite aunt, I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

"I highly doubt that. What's to like about me anyway?" she asked rhetorically before looking back to her neatly separated plate and started to mix everything together again.

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><p>Carolyn was surprised by the behavior she had witnessed in Addison during her trip. She had admitted to Derek earlier that she didn't particularly like Addison but not because she wasn't a likable person but just because she left Addison could never be the right person for her son. That aside, Carolyn knew Addison tired hard to fit in and be likeable. Despite her upbringing, Carolyn knew it was unlike Addison so cold, withdrawn and uncaring.<p>

Carolyn approached Derek with her concern but he claimed he had no idea what she was talking about. So that night in her hotel room, she thought to call the one person who knew Addison just as well, if not better than Derek; Mark.

"Mrs. Shepherd…." Mark trailed off once he had identified the voice on the other end of the line.

"Am I interrupting something, Mark?" she asked.

"No, no…" Mark replied surely. "Is there something you needed? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" he asked quickly, showing obvious concern toward the woman who had been more of a mother to him than his own mom had been.

"I'm fine, Mark. I haven't heard from you since the…" she paused to think of a softer word and finally decided on "Incident."

"The incident, right…" Mark said awkwardly. "Well, Mrs. Shepherd, I can honestly say that what happened that night was a life experience. Addison is one of the few women I respect and care for and I know that night changed her life. As sorry as I am, I'm glad I was there for her."

"Aside from the affair, Mark, did something else happen? Something that maybe Derek's not aware of?"

Mark chuckled nervously, he had never been good at lying to Carolyn Shepherd. That woman saw through every single lie he ever attempted to tell. "What do you mean?" he asked as evenly as he could.

"I'm in Seattle right now and I just feel like something is going on with her but I can't pinpoint what it is. She seems depressed and I just want to help. So I don't know, you tell me. Did she maybe have a bad encounter with her parents? That always sent her into a raging depression. Did she, I don't know, lose a patient she became attached to? She was never good after losing a baby abandoned by his or her parents. Oh god, did _she _lose a baby? Maybe she was pregnant when this all happened and the stress and exhaustion caused her to lose her child. I'm sure she sought comfort in you no matter what it is that happened because I know Derek wasn't there for her in the later years of their marriage."

"Look, Mrs. Shepherd, it really is not place to discuss it." Mark said, then realized he admitted to knowing what was going on with one of his best friends.

"So you know!" Carolyn exclaimed. "What is it, Mark? You have to tell me."

Mark remained silent on his end of the line. He didn't want to betray Addison's trust but he also wanted to help her move on with her life and stop blaming herself for the past. "I can't say." He finally told her makeshift mother.

"Mark, she needs to talk to someone about whatever it is that's bothering her. Derek has got absolutely no idea what it is and I doubt she will tell him given the condition their marriage is in. I just want to help her, she needs someone to listen."

"Fine…" Mark caved in and began telling the story that would change every assumption Carolyn had about the relationship Addison and Mark shared.

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><p>I'm trying not to give away Addison's secret too quickly but you will find out in the next chapter. But for now, care to take any guesses based on vague hints from this chapter?<br>BTW: Now that school has started again I might get preoccupied and forgot to update. Should that happen someone tweet/message me and remind me! Thanks :)


	3. Chapter 3

"You didn't join us last night for dinner." Carolyn said as she walked into Addison's office early the next morning and shut the door behind her for privacy.

Addison looked up from the stack of printed papers in front of her and put her highlighter down. "I know, I'm sorry. I just have so much work that needs to be done. I've got patients and surgeries, budgeting construction and stock for the new NICU and looking for a new staff...reading up on the latest technologies and decided if investing in those machines and seminars is worth it."

"You didn't go home at night either." Carolyn pointed out.

Addison's brows came together while she wondered why Carolyn found the need to interrogate her. "Yeah, I stayed here, got some extra work done. And I had surgery scheduled for 5 am. Going home at midnight and waking up at 3 to be back here at 4:30 didn't seem logical."

"Addison, you're avoiding your problems by surrounding yourself with more work than you can manage. You need to give yourself a break and find another way to get over your problems."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Addison said in a very straight-to-the-point fashion.

"I know you're secret."

"What secret?" she asked, doing her best to convince her mother-in-law that she had absolutely nothing to hide.

"I know about the rape, Addison." She finally admitted softly and with as much sympathy as she could muster.

"What?" Addison asked in a slight shock. "How?"

"Well, I asked Derek what was going on with you and he said he had no idea. He told me you've been acting like this since you first came out here. So I figured it must have not happened in his presence and I called Mark because I know he must have been around for those two months after Derek left you. And he told me he didn't know details but he told me some stuff…"

"He had no right to say anything to anyone. It's not his story to tell!" Addison exclaimed with anger.

"He wanted to help you. He's worried about you." Carolyn explained. "He told me that the affair never happened and begged me to believe him. He says he came over that night with take out because Derek promised be home and bring food for so you can have dinner together but couldn't make it. He said it was raining that night and he was with his bike so his sweater was soaking wet and he noticed the front door was open. He walked in and threw the wet shirt and pants on the ground and left the food on the table then went up to your room to borrow clothes from Derek and that's when he found you naked in bed with one man holding your arms back and one on top of you. He forgot all about getting dressed and grabbed Derek's old BB gun from his closet and chased them out in boxers then came back to check on you and that's when Derek got home. Derek apparently threated him and kicked him out and he doesn't know what happen to you after that."

"Like I said, it was not his story to tell." Addison repeated.

"Except that it kind of is because he's been accused of ruining his best friend's marriage. Addison, you can't keep something like this a secret. You should have told your husband, you should have told someone."

Addison held back her tears and shook her head. "You do not know what it's like to have someone strip you of all your dignity. Those men broke into _my _house and violated me in my own bed. I would rather people think I'm some adulterous slut than know that I'm so weak that I can't protect myself."

"Addison, how could you think like that? Your husband deserves to know. That changed everything. Look at what condition your marriage is in. It's like this because Derek thinks you violated your vows to him with someone close enough to be considered a brother."

"What difference does it make? I didn't have sex with Mark, it was someone whose name I don't even know. Besides, I tried to explain it to Derek the night it happened. He didn't want to hear it so obviously he doesn't care." She paused to look her mother-in-law in the eyes. "Look, Mom, I appreciate the concern but I don't want to talk about it. I know Derek and I are never going to be the couple we once were. I mean… he's in love with another woman. There are days where he can't stand to look me in the eyes."

"Because he thinks you cheated!"

"If he loved me, if he trusted me than he would have given me the chance to explain that night." Addison replied curtly. "I love him, I do but I know that there isn't much left to our marriage. He's going to leave me sooner or later so he shouldn't be burdened with my problems. Besides, I doubt he would care to begin with."

"Addison, honey, you should not be ashamed of what happen to you. It was not your fault, you have to know that. You're a gynecologist, I'm sure you've seen your fair share of rape victims and I'm sure you've given the speech about how it's never the victim's fault." Carolyn reminded her softly. "I know your parents were not very attentive but I want you to know that I'll be there for you if you ever want to talk about this. You shouldn't have to keep it bottled up."

"I can't talk to you about this. In fact, I don't want to talk to anyone about this so can we please drop it?" Addison replied as patiently as she could. She knew she was being pitied and that was exactly what she didn't want.

"Of course, dear. I just want you to know I'll always listen when you're ready." she said with a reassuring smile.

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><p>"Hey, Mom." Derek said enthusiastically as she walked into his mother's hotel room on her final day in Seattle. "How is the packing coming along?" he asked while he sat back on the bed with his back comfortably leaned against the backboard. He grabbed the remote control to the small TV in the room and began mildlessly flipping through channel to find something to watch.<p>

Carolyn continued packing away everything she had brought along as she said, "I think you took too much advantage of the last three days. Did you go to work at all while I was here?"

"Mhmm, the day you flew in." he replied robotically. A satisfied look came on his face when found a Clash special on VH1. "You need help?" he asked, although he made no move to help his mother.

"Derek, I really need to talk to you." She started while neatly folding up her favorite shirt. "I was talking to Addison two days ago and I'm concerned about her. You really should talk to her, find out what's bothering her. I'm sure it's not healthy for her to keep it bottled inside and she's got no one here, besides you of course, to talk to." She paused to wait for a response and only saw a look of hypnosis on Derek's face while he watched the show. "Derek?"

"Did you say something?"

"I am talking to you, Derek!" She exclaimed in frustration felling as if her son was 14 years old all over again. "I'm talking to you about your wife and you were staring at that screen like you wanna jump on it and make love to it."

"What about my wife?" Derek asked, ignoring the rest of his mother's statement. "Are you going to say she's disrespectful for not taking the time to go to dinner with us? Or that she's become even colder since we moved out here? Because I noticed all of that too. I can't really do anything about it."

"I wasn't going to say that. I'm sure she's got her reasons for it." Carolyn responded prior to repeating her earlier statement about her concern for Addison.

Derek's raised a brow skeptically. "Why do you care? You don't even like her."

"I wouldn't say I don't like her. I just didn't think she was right for you...now that I see how hard she's fighting to stay with you I think I may have been wrong. She's not a bad person, Derek. You need to pay a little more attention to her. She needs someone to care about her and show her they love her."

"She knows I care." He said defensively.

"No, she knows you used to care." His mother corrected. "Derek, she's been deprived of affection her entire life. She doesn't like 'burdening' people with her problems so she keeps everything inside. That's not healthy. You need to talk to her occasionally. You need to show her you care so she can open up a little to you. And if you don't care and you don't want to care than tell that poor girl so she can move on with her life and stop waiting for something that's never going to happen."

"You're my mother! Why are you on her side? She cheated on me! I don't have to forgive her, I don't have to listen to her excuses."

"I'm not on her side. I'm not on any of your sides. I'm just calling it as I see it. She made mistakes, yes, but you don't know half of what you think you know about her. You made mistakes too." Carolyn paused and looked into her son's eyes. "Just decide what you want and stop lingering."

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><p>Thoughts?<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Addison had decided to stay passed the end of her shift to help out in the chaotic ER. It was yet another excuse to keep her from going home. She walked into a small exam room and closed the door behind her for privacy. "Hi, I'm Dr. Addison Shepherd. And I'm guessing you're Evelyn Hughes, right?" she asked kindly, glancing down at the chart she was holding to make sure she got the name right.

"Yes." The woman whispered.

"The ER is pretty packed tonight. Did you have to wait long?" she asked in a very friendly manner. Addison always had an excellent bedside manner. She made herself seem approachable and friendly so her patients wouldn't shy away from asking questions and openly discussing their concerns about their health.

"Four hours."

"Four hours? Jeez, that's terrible. I'm sorry about that. We're working as fast as we can but there is only so much you can speed through. And it's like this entire city got food poisoning." Addison said lightheartedly to make conversation while she went through the paper work.

"Really? Every single one of your patients had food posioning today?"

Addison chuckled lightly and shook her head. "I run the Ob/gyn and neonatal departments for the hospital. Most of my patients were either pregnant or newborns. My shift finished two hours ago and I heard the ER is overcrowded tonight so I wanted to help out. One of the high schools around here had Winter Formal tonight and all the kids got food posioning from the catering service, so not all my patients today have had food posiong, just the ones I've treated in the ER."

"Food posioning at Winter Formal? That really sucks."

"My high school didn't do Winter Formal but I wish I had food posioning the night of prom. At least I'd have a reduced amount of embarassing high school memories." Addison replied, still going through the information her patient had filled in during admission. "Your symptoms and concerns are not in your chart. You didn't mention it in your admission forms?"

"No, I didn't want them to know."

"Well, I'm gonna need you to tell me what's going on so I can help you." Addison replied. She leaned against the counter by the sink and crossed her arms while looking into her patient's eyes.

"I was…" she paused and cleared her throat awkwardly. "…raped."

"Oh…" Addison breath out with a tightness in her chest. "Evelyn, you should have told the admission nurse in the front. They would not have made you wait for four hours to see a doctor."

The woman shrugged with no other response.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked her softly. "Is there anyone you want me to call to come here and hold your hand through this?"

"No, I don't want you to call anyone." She answered surely.

"Okay." Addison nodded understandingly. "Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I know it difficult to discuss something like this, especially with someone you don't really know but I want to help you as much as I can." She told her patient softly and encouragingly.

"No, I don't want to talk about it."

Addison nodded again. "Okay, that's fine. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. I'm just here to examine you for the rape kit. You're going to need to answer a few question regarding the attack for the documentation but you won't need to tell me anything more than what's on the paper. Someone from the Police Department will be assigned to your case, the forensic nurse will give them a call and they should be here by the time I'm done with the kit. You'll have to discuss it thoroughly with them." She explained the protocol.

"No, no, no… I don't want police involved in any of this."

"I can't do a rape kit without involving the police. This is not only a health concern, Ms. Hughes, it's also a legal matter. Rape is a criminal offense and I, as your treating physician, am required by law to report it."

"Then forget the rape kit. Just give me the morning after pill and I'll get the hell out of here."

Addison looked down at her Jimmy Choo pumps for a few seconds to remind herself that this case is not personal and that she should not treat it as if it should be. "I can compromise with you. We can do a rape kit now, let you go home and relax and I'll call the police in the morning to contact you for questions. If we don't do the exam right now then there will be no evidence if you change your mind in the future. The kit will allow us to preserve any semen found on your body for DNA testing, it would document your injuries and story and that will be the only evidence you have to present if you decide to take the matter to court."

"You make it all sound so simple." The woman said in a very detached tone. "Have you ever had a rape kit done on your?"

Addison looked down at her shoes again for a second and sighed, again reminding herself that this case was not personal. She looked back at her patient and shook her head. "No, I have not." She answered truthfully.

"Then you have no idea how difficult this is for me! You just base everything you know on the patients you've treated! Maybe you need to step off the pedestal and realize that it's not as easy as it sounds!"

"I am not on a pedestal. I know it's not an easy obstacle to overcome. You came to me for help and I'm telling you the protocol as to how rape cases are dealt with and treated."

"Forget this." The woman decided and hopped off the table and grabbed her chart from Addison's hand before quickly leaving the room.

Addison covered her face with her hands for a few seconds and exhaled heavily. She found it strange that she knew how to handle rape when it comes to other people. She usually knew the right things to say to comfort them, the right things to do to help them recover. But when it came to herself, Addison didn't do any of the things she'd suggest to her patients. She, like Evelyn Hughes, sought to deal with it as self distructively as possible.

* * *

><p>"Hey." Derek murmured when he heard Addison walk into the trailer in the middle of the night. He could see her outline in the darkness as she took her heels off at the door and put her stuff down on the nearest flat surface she found. "I didn't expect you home tonight." He admitted.<p>

"Hi." Was the only thing she brought herself to say back. She turned on a dim light to allow her to see in her closet to choose pajamas to wear to bed. Usually, had this been back in New York before the "indicdent" as it had come to be known, Addison would have undressed in front of her husband to put on sleepwear. But that comfort between them hadn't existed since she moved to Seattle. She moved into the small, cramped restroom and put on a pair flannel pants and an oversized t-shirt Derek bought for himself from their alma-mater.

"Are you alright?" he asked her softly when she got into bed and turned her back to him.

"I'm fine." She said like she always would then looked over her shoulder to make sure there was enough space between them.

"Did something happen at work?" he asked, knowing that she wasn't alright. "You can tell me you know, Addison. I'm your husband, if you don't share your problems with me than who are you supposed to share them with?"

"I hate my job." She admitted. "I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of telling a rape victim that it will be alright because it won't, nothing is ever the same after a rape. I'm tired of handing stillborn babies to their mothers. I can't watch another baby die, I can't diagnose another woman with cervical cancer, I can't tell another husband that his wife died on my table…I'm just tired of it all. I hate my job. I should have majored in Art History or accounting, at least my life wouldn't be so depressing."

Derek pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at her with a raised brow she couldn't see in the darkness. "Wow, you did have a rough night. And two minutes ago you were claiming you were fine…" he paused and turned on the lights in the makeshift bedroom to take in her dishelved appearance. "Honey, you love your job. You love telling a couple that's been trying to conceive for years that they're expecting. You take babies that could not survive under any circumstance and you make it possible for them to heal and lead a normal life. You love watching them go home in their parents arms. You love telling women that they're officially in remission…You help a lot of people in different ways and you're amazing at it and I know deep down inside you love it. You just had a rough night."

"Yeah, maybe." Addison mumbled tiredly. "I don't know. Right now I just want to stop thinking and go to sleep."

"Okay." He replied with a nod and turned off the lights before moving closer to her. He felt her body break out into goosebumps as he got near and when he touched her a chill ran down her spine.

"Don't touch me." She whispered with a feeling of déjà vu. She had been in bed the night of the alleged affair when the men broke in. She remembered screaming the words so many times that it seemed to lose meaning.

"You're my wife." He reminded her.

"What does that matter? Just because I'm your wife you get to do whatever you want to me?" she asked, knowing that an argument was building up between them despite the fact that she was in no mood to fight with him on that night.

"You don't want to have sex with me…ever. We haven't done it once since you got here. And at first I didn't want to because you've been with Mark but we're trying to move on and sex is a part of marriage. You don't undress in front of me anymore, probably because it was turn me on and lead to sex. We pretend to be all lovey at work, you kiss me once in a while here at there, let me peck your cheek but when we're home there's nothing. And now I can't cuddle with you in bed?"

"You make it sound like it's something terrible. Derek, it's not sex to me, not between us. It's supposed to be that magical feelings of eternal bliss, a way to express how much we love one another but it's not like that because that's not what you feel anymore. We can't show one another affection if there is no love to base it on."

Derek rolled his eyes. "So now we're back to the 'I don't love you' argument? We're supposed to be moving forward, not moving back. Besides, I am a man, I have needs. You're acting just like I was in New York. You had needs I didn't fill so you turned to Mark. You don't want me to turn to someone else but you don't do anything to move on with our marriage."

"Do you want to turn to someone else?" Addison asked after a few seconds of contemplation to decide if she wants to hear the answer to that question. "If you've got someone else on your mind than there really is no moving forward with our marriage. If we're going to keep throwing affairs at one another then we're obviously not ready to move on."

"I don't understand what you want from me!" Derek exclaimed. "You've been complaining that I never take an interest in you or your career so I tried to talk to you. I tried to hold you just for the sake of holding you, just to give you some kind of comfort and you still manage to stay so withdrawn and …cold." He said as he got up from bed and pace back and forth in the small space in front of their bed.

"I'm sorry, Derek, it's been a bad day." She apologized.

"It's not just today. It's everyday It hasn't been a bad day for you, it can't even be considered a week. You've been like this since you came out here! Do you mean to tell me that every day for the last few months has coincidently been just terrible. And I feel like you've been worse since my mother came out here. And I really can't figure out why. It's like you're slowly becoming Bizzy."

Addison was visibly hurt but tried her best to hide it from him. Instead of responding, she turned on her side to face away from him and closed her eyes to keep herself from shedding tears and showing weakness.

Derek knew he hurt her with his words and action and he really did feel badly about it. He slowly crawled into bed and remained propped up on his knees to be able to see her face. "Addie, I'm sorry. You need to know that I'll listen when you're ready to talk about whatever it is that got you so wired up. I'll always be here when you need me."

"You walked out on me when I needed you the most." She whispered almost inaudibly.

* * *

><p>See? Derek still doesn't know what he wants but at least he's trying to be there for Addison. But they are obviously off to a rocky start, huh? Oh, and next chapter there is a special surprise...or at least I think so. Bet you can't guess what that is.<p>

I rewrote this whole chapter. Hated what I originally wrote that's why it took a little longer than expected. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you guys think of the chapter (...and the story, so far)!


	5. Chapter 5

Mark Sloan always loved being the center of attention, particularly around women. He confidently strode through the halls of Seattle Grace looking for either Shepherd to confront him. Instead he came across an intern who couldn't stop herself from staring at him.

"Are you looking for someone?" she asked.

Mark stopped aimlessly walking around and looked at her. He glanced at the hospital ID hanging from her lab coat pocket and smiled wider. "Yes, Dr. Grey, I'm looking for Dr. Shepherd."

"Which one?"

"Um…" Mark considered the option. "Doesn't matter. Him, her, whatever. I'm a friend from New York, so I'm sure once I find one the other will come running."

Meredith raised a brow at his cocky attitude. "She is in surgery, at least she was last time I saw the schedule. She's due to be out in a few minutes, I think. He was talking to his patient's family post-op. He should be in his office, or on his way to his office for his usual post-op paperwork."

Mark gave her a grateful charming smile before turning to head toward Derek's office but he never got that far. Instead he bumped into Derek in the hall and they stared at one another awkwardly. "I was just coming to find you, someone told me you were in your office." Mark said uncomfortably.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Derek demanded somewhat rudely. "Unless you've got some impossible brain tumor that only my highly skilled knife can fix…even then, I don't think I'd want to see you."

"Well, that's just rude. I fly all the way across the country to see my best friend and my lovely best friend-in-law and you're being all assy? Is that the thanks I get for missing you two?" Mark replied lightheartedly, hoping to make the most out of the situation.

"Stop with the 'best friend-in-law' thing. It was funny in the best man speech, it was funny during the marriage, it's not funny anymore. It got old." Derek snapped. "I don't want you anywhere near me. And I sure as hell don't want you anywhere near my wife. I don't feel like walking into her office and seeing her with her legs spread wide open and you between them right on her desk or something. Just leave."

"I'm not leaving." Mark countered firmly. "I came here to check on Addison and I'm not leaving until I know she's doing alright. I've been worried about her and I care about her just as much as you do so I'm not leaving until I know she's okay."

Derek quickly lost his patience. His fist instinctively curled up into a fist and he swung it forward right toward Mark's face. And Mark had never been one to turn to the other cheek. He in turn punched Derek with as much strength as he could muster up and they continued until both were on the floor trying to knock-out the other. It wasn't there their fight, it fought all the time in high school. It wasn't because they were always angry with one another, when Mark broke Derek's nose in 10th grade they both swore it was just good practice to defend themselves to other should they get into fights with people in the future.

Addison stepped out of the scrub room to see an array of people gathered near Derek's office. She curiously when in that direction until she spotted Derek and Mark on the floor, both bleeding from various placed. She stood there in a silent shock while Preston pulled Derek away and Alex hauled Mark to a safe distance.

Twenty minutes later she stepped into an exam room Derek had been situated in. "I brought you an ice pack." She told her husband softly as she placed it on the aching hand he was holding. She watched quietly as a nurse arranged the instruments needed for Derek's stitches on the instrument tray.

"I don't need stitches." He insisted. "O'Malley knows nothing."

"Be that as it may, I would say I am a very experienced surgeon and I know a laceration which requires stitching when I see one. And I was there when O'Malley was checking the wound and I think his suggested line of treatment is correct."

Derek waited until after the nurse left before he rolled his eyes and gave an exaggerated huff. "Fine, where he hell is he? Let's get this over with so I can get back to work."

"I told him I would take care of it." Addison replied. "Unlike him, I know how to do it without scaring you. It'll fade away a few months after the wound heals." She told him as she picked up a syringe with a local anesthetic. She stepped closer to inject the lidocane and looked into his eyes when she was done. "I'm sorry, Derek." She offered.

"What is he doing here, Addison?" he asked, finally displaying his anger. She had been waiting for him to snap and here it was. "What the fuck is he doing here? Did you call him because you are in need of another quick fuck?"

Addison took a step away from him. "I have nothing to do with him coming here. I never called him." She replied quietly. "Look, if you don't want me here I can leave and have someone else come in here and take care of you." She offered.

"Why? So you can go check on your lover?" Derek replied spitefully.

Addison set down the hook shaped needle she had just threaded with dissolving surgical thread. She stepped away from the instrument tray and moved toward the door. "I'll called someone else to do the stitches so you won't have to suffer with being in the same room as me for half an hour."

"Addison." Derek called before she had time stepped out of the room.

She turned and looked at him expectedly but he didn't say anything. He just stared at her apologetically. "What? Not done with the character assassination yet?"

"I'm sorry." He offered as a response. "If you say you didn't call him than I believe you. I'm just a little pissed off but that doesn't give me an excuse to take my anger out on you."

She stood still by the door and said, "You're upset. You're still mad at me about what happen. You have every right to be. So if you want me to leave, if you don't want to see me right now then I can go."

"No." Derek answered with no hesitation. "I want you here. I said I was worried about you, I told you I don't want you to shut me out and I meant it so I can't do that to you. I want my wife, the highly skilled, very talented surgeon to sew up my face before I don't have any blood left in me. Then I'll give you a thank you kiss."

"A kiss?" Addison chuckled. "I'm pretty expensive to have as a doctor, Derek. Are you aware of the fact that only eight people in the whole world hold the same credentials as me? It's going to cost you more than a kiss." she asked rhetorically as she went back over to him.

"Have your people send my people the bill." Derek answered, watching as she put on a pair of sterile gloves to prevent any excess bacteria that may not have washed off her hands from getting near the open wound. He bit his lower anxiously and instinctively reached out with both hands and grabbed her waist since he couldn't hold her occupied hands. He pulled her a little closer and tried to forget about what she was doing. Derek was secretly became uneasy when he was forced to assume the role of a patient instead of the doctor. This specific time was a bit easier because it wasn't just another arrogant doctor, it was his wife. Being able to hold her somehow comforted him, he knew if he were to try to seek physical comfort from anyone else stitching his face he'd ended up getting slapped and maybe sued for sexual harassment. "Do you stand this close to all your patients?" he asked after she finished the first cut above his brow and moved to the one on his chin.

"No. My patients are usually on an operating table if I'm stitching them and on the rare occasion that I get bored and help in the ER, I have them lying because it's easier. And I know you would never agree to lie down because god forbid you make something easy for me." She replied, tilting his head up for the third time so she could see what she was doing.

* * *

><p>"Hi." Mark greeted Addison when he saw her standing in front of the vending machine with an irritated look on her face. "You look like you are about to take your shoes off and use to heel to break the glass of that vending machine."<p>

"Mark, this happens to be a pair of Louboutins that set me back two thousand dollars. I would never ruin them over a bag of Doritos." she replied. "This stupid machine only takes change and I hate change but stole some from Derek's office. Anyway, Doritos are a dollar. I've put three bucks in there and I still don't have my chips!"

Mark gently pushed Addison aside and banged on the side of vending machine. He moved to the front of the machine to picked up the five bags that fell out. He graciously had four of them over to her and popped one bag open for himself. "See, even got two free bags." he grinned after shoving a chip in his mouth. "How's your husband?"

"He's fine. Something tells me he'll live. But thanks for giving him reason to require 24 stitches in two different places." Addison replied sarcastically.

"24? Loser, I only needed 11." Mark smirked proudly, taking that as a sign of victory. "Anyway, how are you doing? You said you would call me and you never did."

"I haven't told Derek." Addison admitted shamefully. "He still thinks you and I had an affair…and I don't think I'll be ready to tell him anytime soon. I'd rather him think his wife cheated on him than know she was raped while he was busy being a hero to someone else."

"You need to tell him." Mark told her firmly. "He needs to know."

"I can't. And neither can you. You had no right to tell my mother-in-law and you sure as hell can't tell Derek." Addison looked him right in the eyes and spoke firmly.

"So what, Addison? That's it? I lose my best friends, I turn out to be the bad guy all because you've got this sick way of keeping information from your husband so he can't feel guilty and hurt a little? How is that fair to me…forget me, how is that fair to you? He's treating you like shit because he thinks you're some adulterous slut. And what's worse is you just stand around and take it."

"It's none of your business, Mark."

"He deserves to know, you can't keep something like that from your husband. If you really want your marriage to work then you can't keep secret from him, especially not a secret of this magnitude." Mark replied.

Derek, who had been walking toward them managed to catch the end of their conversation. He stared between Addison and Mark with a raised brow, suddenly feeling much more angry with the two of them. "What secret?" he asked.

* * *

><p>I don't think that's juicy enough to be considered a cliff hanger so you can't call me evil for leaving off there. But looks like Derek will find out soon. Hope everyone is still enjoying the story :)<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Addison paced back and forth in her office while Derek leaned against her desk. His eyes followed her as she walked back and forth. She had been doing that silently for almost twenty minutes, trying to think of how she was supposed to tell her husband something that would drastically change their marriage.

"Addison, I don't have all day." He reminded her somewhat harshly. He was expecting her to tell him that it wasn't just a one night stand but that they had been together for months, maybe years before they were caught. He expected her to tell him that Mark wasn't the only one. And if he either of those were true than he felt he had a right to be rude and angry.

She stopped pacing and stood in front of him. "The night you came home and saw me naked in bed with Mark standing a few feet away in boxers…that wasn't what you interpreted it to be." She admitted hesitantly.

"How could I have interpreted that incorrectly?" he asked impatiently. "That only implies one story, Addison."

She took another deep breath and looked down at her shoes for a few seconds to think of another way to explain the story. "Mark stopped by to drop off dinner and check on me that night." She started.

Derek stopped her before she could say anything else and inserted, "And you were so grateful that you repaid him with sex in my bed."

"No! Either shut the fuck up and listen to what I'm telling you or sign the fucking divorce papers and let me move on with my god-damned miserable life!" Addison yelled unexpectedly.

Derek crossed his arms silently and sat down on the chair in front of her desk. "Go ahead." He prompted her when she didn't resume the story after a few seconds.

"It was raining so he took his soaking wet clothes off at the door because he knew I would kill him for getting water all over my sparkling clean house and he went to borrow something from your closet. He walked in to see two men in our bed. One holding me down and one…" she stopped and shut her eyes to restrain tears as the truth finally left her lips. "…raping me."

"There was no one else in that house when I got home. It was just you and Mark." Derek reminded her.

"He found your BB gun, the one that I was trying to convince you throw away since we moved into the Brownstone, and he chased them out of the house. He came back in to check on me, I was still lying there in shock and that's when we you came home." She finished. "I never went to see a doctor so I don't have paper work to prove it. You don't have to believe me, you saw what you saw and you're not willing to forgive it. That's totally understandable and if that's the case then just tells me so I can get out of your life and stop torturing you."

Derek remained silent while he tried to soak in everything he had just been told. He looked at Addison and saw her trying to hold back her tears. He wanted to say something to comfort her but he couldn't think of the right thing to say.

"Never mind." She spoke up first. "I guess expecting you to believe me was unrealistic, I mean you didn't care to hear it that night when I tried to tell you what's different now?"

"No, no, I do believe you." Derek finally spoke up. "I just don't know how to react yet." He admitted.

"Yeah, I didn't know how to react either. I still don't know how to react. I actually tried to convince myself that I did have an affair so I would never have to think about the rape. That's why I let you believe I cheated. It's easier to get over that than this, right?" she stated rhetorically.

"No, Addison, it's not easier at all." Derek exclaimed with a heavy sigh as he dropped his head into his hands for a few seconds to try to process everything he had just been told. "An affair implies that our marriage, our vows mean nothing to you anymore. A rape means you were the victim of violent crime, it has nothing to do with our marriage because you are not at fault in any sense of the word. You're a victim."

"I don't want to be a victim!" Addison yelled in frustration. "I don't want people looking at me and treating me I'm invalid because I couldn't protect myself! I don't want people know I was violated in my own house, in my marital bed. I don't want pity."

"So you'd rather people think you are an adulterous bitch who throws away an 11 year marriage for a series of orgasms from your husband's best friend?"

"At least that would imply that I have power over what happens in my life." Addison answered lamely. She used to think that her reasoning made sense but hearing him recap her beliefs made her realize that she may not have made the best choices.

"No, Addison, a rape does not imply weakness." He told her firmly, making sure to make eye contact just to affirm his words.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Derek." Addison admitted softly and shamefully.

"What happens now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Everything is different now, Addison. You may not have had an affair but I did. I was with another woman while you were suffering the after math of a rape." Derek reminded her remorsefully. He paused for a few seconds, trying to think of the right thing to say to comfort her but all that came out was, "I'm sorry."

"Derek, you don't need to apologize to me. You thought I had an affair with your best friend so you moved out here and you found someone to help you move on and feel better. I let you leave, I could have forced you to listen to me that night but I didn't so I can't blame you." Addison told him reasonably. Then came the words she had been dreading, "This doesn't change anything, Derek."

"How could you say that, Ad? It changes everything."

Addison shook her head. "I know you're in love with Meredith, Derek." She admitted in a barely audible whisper. "You don't love me anymore, you love her. It doesn't matter how you stopped loving me or why you started loving her, what matters is that it happened and none of that changes because your reasoning was inaccurate."

"I never said I don't love you, though. I don't know what I feel right now. It's like I had the rug pulled out from under my feet." He took another short pause while he thought of the right way to word his thoughts and then he continued to say, "I need time to reevaluate how I feel about you."

"But that's just the thing, love is not the type of thing you evaluate, Derek. If you still loved me you would know it."

"So what do you suggest we do?"

"I have no idea."

* * *

><p>Days went by while Derek struggled to digest the truth about what had happen to his wife in New York. He wanted to be there for her to make up for not being by her side in New York but that was proving to be impossible. She never wanted to be held, never wanted to talk about it and never allowed herself to show the fact that she needed someone to put her back together. Derek would just watch her move robotically from day to day and all he could do was wonder how much longer she could go on pretending to be okay without breaking down.<p>

"Addie?" he called out softly as he walked into Addison's darkened office one night where she had signed up to yet another all night shift. "I was going to go home and I remembered you told chief you would stay here to look through all the applications for NICU nurses. I can keep you company if you want. I can go some really greasy food from a drive through somewhere and then we'll help one another stay up all night. You can do your thing and I'll write the article I've been putting on for The Journal of Neuroscience."

Addison was lying on the couch with a stack of applications propped against her thighs so she could read them without sitting too upright. "I'll be alright on my own. I don't want to keep you up all night." She replied with an almost unnoticeable small but grateful smile.

Derek ignored her and took a seat on the magazine/coffee table placed beside the coffee. He looked into her eyes then admitted, "I'm worried about you."

"Of course you are. That's almost like the logo of our marriage." She said sarcastically. "I'm fine. I'm just gonna be locked up in here reading through applications and separating them into the pile I like and the pile I don't. I've done much worse during night shifts."

"I wasn't talking about tonight." He replied. "I know you don't want to talk about this but we need to, it's important. You said you didn't see a doctor after _it _happened. Why not?"

Addison pulled herself up and transferred the papers from her lap to the table. She looked at Derek and sighed because telling him that branch of the story would be opening up another can of worms. "Well, you know that Nancy was my gyn."

"Yes, and I was so thrilled that you made that choice because who better than my sister to ask my wife intimate questions about our sex life." He replied dryly.

"She kinda doubled as my PCP because she's one of the few people whose medical judgment I trust. But anyway, I called her office for an appointment two weeks after it happened. I guess Nancy already heard about the affair and she dropped me as a patient."

"Well, that's completely unprofessional of her." Derek commented.

"That's part of the reason I'm refusing to engage in anything remotely sexual. I mean I prescribed myself all the typical post-rape STD drugs and morning after pill but it's not full proof. If I did catch something I don't want to give it to you."

Derek reached out to take her hand. At first she hesitated the thought of contact but allowed him to take her hand regardless. He laced his fingers with hers and held onto her hand before looking into her eyes. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I know I'm late but I'm willing to do anything to help now."

"I think I'm beyond help." Addison admitted.

* * *

><p>Derek decided to stop by at the bar before heading home that night. He wanted to stay with Addison but she told him she'd prefer to stay alone and for once he was willing to take her feelings into consideration. Derek spotted Mark sitting at the bar and approached him to take the seat next to him.<p>

"I know I'm not a hot chick who is desperate to get laid tonight but I'm hoping you'll be okay with me sitting here." He joked lightheartedly while watching as Mark quickly drank his scotch.

"Addison told me you needed twenty something stitches. Sorry." Mark replied without bothering to turn on inspect Derek's face. If things weren't so awkward between them he'd critique Addison's work of stitching up his face.

"I'm sorry I started that whole thing. I guess I have a lot to be apologizing for, specially to you and Addison." Derek answered. "She told me about what really happened back in New York."

"Derek, I don't need you to apologize to me. I need you to stop treating your wife as if she doesn't have a place in your life. She was miserable those last few months before the…incident. You were never home and she desperately missed you. Sometimes I would go over to take her dinner and she's be sitting there in your t-shirts or sweaters just to feel like you're around. She didn't deserve that."

Derek nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, your right, she didn't. I don't know what else to say, now the reasoning behind it seems so selfish but I just wanted to be the best at everything. We had the perfect marriage, I wanted the perfect career and I was hoping my marriage would just…I don't know, pause?" Derek shrugged, smiling gratefully when Joe placed a glass of scotch in front of him and refilled Mark's glass.

"You can't pause your marriage. It's not a movie, Derek. You can't pay five bucks extra per month and add DVR to the package." Mark replied sarcastically. "But, anyway, I'm glad she told you. She shouldn't have had to keep it a secret for so long. I just hope you can help her through it and work on improving your marriage."

"I don't know what to do." Derek admitted for the first time. "I was hating on Addison because I thought she cheated on me and I developed feelings for someone else in the meanwhile. Now I want to do justice with my marriage to Addison. I want to love her and make everything up to her but I can't just forget my feelings for Meredith. It's not that easy."

"Are you still seeing Meredith behind Addie's back?" Mark asked cautiously and hoped for an honest answer.

"No!" Derek quickly exclaimed. "But when I see her at work there are times that I wonder what it could have been like if Addison never came out here." He paused, shaking his head disapprovingly to himself before he looked back over to Mark. "That's just as bad as cheating if you ask me." He added quietly.

"Do you still love Addison?" Mark questioned.

"Yeah, I mean…I care, I'm worried, I want the best for her, I want to help. I wouldn't feel any of that if I didn't love her."

Mark nodded his head in agreement. "I hated Addison for a while, ya' know? I felt like she came in out of nowhere and stole my best friend from me. And then she became my best friend too and now I just worry about her all the time. She's just been through so much and I'd hate to see her get hurt again."

Derek smiled slightly at him and replied, "Glad to know she's got a someone like you to take care of her. She probably really needs someone like you given that she's got an ass-hole like me as a husband."

"Yup, I have no idea what either of you would do without me."

* * *

><p>Are any of you bitchin' smut writers? I have no idea how to write smut but I have a smut scene in mind for this story so I need help. Let me know in your review or message me! Thank you :)<p>

Oh and keep up with the highly encouraging, awesome reviews! I love hearing everyone's input.


	7. Chapter 7

The Shepherd family always gathered in Connecticut for both Christmas and New Years Eve. But after everyone moved around the country, that tradition changed to gathering mid-January for the weekend to celebrate Derek's mother's birthday. Derek and Addison both skipped the previous year and Addison had gone alone for one day the year before.

This year Addison had told Derek she needed a vaction. She said she needed a few days away from Seattle (and Meredith, indirectly) and that she wasn't ready to face her problems by returning to New York. Derek suggested a weekend in Cabo or visiting her family in Connecticut. She declined both and asked if his family was planning to get together that year. That's how they ended up in Derek's childhood home, sitting in the kitchen in an awkward silence with 3 out of 4 of Derek's sisters.

"Amy's not coming?" Addison asked, breaking the silence and causing all eyes to revert to her.

"She's probably off somewhere getting high on something. I doubt she even remembered that Mom's birthday is this weekend." Derek said bitterly.

Carolyn gave him a strict glare. "She started medical school. The semester started last week and she didn't want to take a weekend off so close to the start of a new semester. That's why she couldn't make it." She informed the crowd knowing that none of them kept in touch with the youngest Shepherd sister because of her bad habits.

"Mark's not here either." Kathleen pointed out, staring directly at Derek. "I wonder why that is." She added with a smirk, her eyes now fixed in Addison's direction who quickly looked down at her hands in her lap.

Derek glanced at his wife, watching as she sat there in a shameful silence. He reached out and took her right hand into his left and squeezed it reassuringly before glaring at his sister. "Mark is not here because he is in Cancun with a nurse he recently started dating."

"You're keeping in touch with Mark?" Nancy asked, sounding highly surprised.

"I think I should go to bed." Addison whispered as she got up from the table.

"You can stay in Lauren and Amy's room, Addie." Carolyn told her softly. She had figured that Addison may be uncomfortable sharing a twin sized bed with Derek. Sure, they had shared the small bed for years when they came to spend weekends at the Shepherd home but that was all before rape.

"What? How did that happen? Nancy's girls are already asleep in Amy's bed and I'm sharing my bed with my two four year sons who kick like they're both dreaming of Beckham. That leaves nowhere for Addison to sleep in that room. Why can't she sleep with Derek in his room?"

"Because Derek is her husband. She only sleeps with the husband's best friends." Kathleen chimed in.

"I could go to that hotel like a mile from here." Addison suggested quietly. "I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone."

"No." Derek quickly disputed and got up to stop here just in case she walked away. "That's not a hotel. There are no hotels anywhere near here. That's a motel and it's in a shitty area and I don't want you to be there alone. You can take my room and I'll sleep on the couch. After on-call room mattresses and the bed in the trailer, I think I can sleep on anything." He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple affectionately. He knew Addison felt uncomfortable around his sisters and he just wanted her to feel more at ease.

Addison shook her head. "I'll leave my stuff in your room but I'll sleep on the couch." Addison compromised. "Your posters of 80s sex symbols creep my out when I'm in there trying to sleep." she added teasingly then looked into his eyes with a small smile.

Derek returned a chuckled at her comment. He was relieved to see an actual smile on her face, he couldn't remember the last time he'd see her remotely happy. "Okay."

"Goodnight." She whispered, pecking him quickly and softly on the lips before leaving the room.

Lauren stared at her brother with a dumbfounded look on her face. "Let me get this straight, you two don't sleep in the same bed but you've been back together for like two and half months now? How does that work?"

"You guys need to lay off of Addison and make her feel more welcomed. She needs to feel like she is wanted and loved and…cared about. You guys are fucking up the whole point of coming out here."

"I was under the impression that whores always feel wanted because someone's always looking to fuck them." Nancy mumbled.

"She didn't sleep with Mark! She was raped, Nancy." Derek exclaimed in frustrations toward the accusations. "It's a long story but there was never an affair. I didn't walk in right after Mark finished doing her. I walked in to see Mark trying to get her dressed after he walked in on her being raped in her own bed in security of her own house. I guess he wanted to get her to the hospital or...I don't know, we never really went into details but I know he was just trying to help her out."

All three Shepherd sisters felt their jaws drop at the newest details of the troubled marriage.

"She never cheated on me. She needed me to be there for her and I accused her of an affair and I walked out on her. I moved across the country and _did _have an affair. Not just a one night stand, a full blown affair, I fell in love. And my wife just stood there and watched the whole time without bothering to mention that she was a rape victim and not an adulterous bitch."

* * *

><p><em>"Addison?" Mark said softly, cautiously lying a hand on her shoulder to try to pull her up enough to pull a t-shirt over her head. "Addie, honey, come on. I just need to get a shirt on you. We don't want Derek to come home and jump to any conclusions, okay?" he explained to her.<em>

_"You're too late." His familiar voice spoke up from the door. "Get the fuck out of my house before I kill you, Mark. I don't know why my BB gun is out and lying around but I'll take it and I'll shoot you so many times that it will kill you." _

_Addison jumped up from the bed and snatched the T-shirt from Mark's hand. She pulled it over her head then moved to her nightstand to grab a pair of panties. "Mark, just leave, please." She said quietly. _

_He gave in and walked toward the door but only because she asked. _

_"I can explain, Derek." She started quietly. "It wasn't what it looked like at all. He was just trying to help." _

_"I don't want to hear any excuses!" Derek snapped. "I don't need to listen to you come up with a random story to cover up what really happened. I saw it with my own eyes, Addison. And I keep seeing it every time I blink." He said, moving into her closet to gather an arm full of her clothes. _

_"No, Derek, what are you doing? You have to give me a chance to explain. You need to let me explain. Please…"_

_Derek stepped out with her clothes and quickly moved across the bedroom and down the hall toward the stairs. _

_"What are you doing with my clothes, Derek? Can you just stop for a minute, please? You have to listen to me. He was just here. I know that's what everyone says in situations like that but's that's all it was, Derek. You have to believe me." _

_"You screw my best friend and all you can say it 'He was just here'? What kind of reasoning is that? If my intern came here to pick up a change of clothes for me would you have fucked him?" Derek asked furiously and opened the front door to toss out Addison's clothes then he turned back to see her standing at the bottom of the stair with no idea of how to react. "Get out of my house." _

_"No, no, Derek you can't kick me out. You don't understand, you need to give me a chance to explain. We can get through this. Please, just listen to me." She begged him and felt like it was about to pay off when he stepped closer to her and reached out to touch her but she was wrong. He wasn't reaching out to comfort her and tell her he would listen. Instead he roughly grabbed her arm and shoved her out the door before slamming it shut in her face. _

_Derek could hear her crying. She asked to be let in a few times but then she stopped. She'd done enough pleading and begging for one night. It didn't work when she had begged the men to stop their vicious attack of her body, it didn't work when she begged Derek to listen and he couldn't care less. It was obvious that nothing would go her way that night. So she just stood out there sobbing. She decided to assume responsibility for having an affair, it seemed easier than explaining her night to Derek. The guilt finally got the better off Derek and he opened the door to let her in. _

_"I'm sorry. You have to give me a chance to show you how sorry I am." She told him, still standing close beside the door. She was a little wary of getting too close to him. She didn't think it was because of how roughly he had handled her earlier, she'd like to think that her husband is not capable of hurting her. Addison attributed her slight fear of Derek (at that point) to the fact that someone of his gender had just stripped her of her dignity. _

_"You can stay here. I'll go. I'll come back while you're at work tomorrow so I can get my clothes." He told her, his mind already made-up with a plan of action. He didn't want to hurt Addison anymore by throwing her out in the middle of the night. She had nowhere to go. He had his family who would always be there for him, her family would never take her in. _

_"No, Derek, you can't go. We can survive this. We're Addison and Derek. We can get through anything as long as we're together." She replied though she wasn't convinced of it herself. She couldn't get through her situation without Derek, she needed him to help her tolerate herself again. _

_"I can't stay. I can't stay here and look at you anymore. I look at you and I feel nauseous" Derek said. "We're not Derek and Addison anymore. We are over. I'm leaving." He stepped closer to her to give her a kiss on the cheek for old time's sake back she backed away. _

_"Don't touch me." She whispered in a betrayed tone. _

_He looked at her strangely and stayed back, staring at her curiously with the slightest contempt before he walked out of the door and left her for good. _

Nancy came down the stairs in the middle of the night to grab a bottle for her 4 month old son. She noticed Addison tossing turning frequently while she grabbed a bottle of pumped breast milk from the freezer and dropped it into the bottle warmer to bring it to room temperature. After the bottle was done, she grabbed it and moved back toward the stairs but stopped when she heard the sound of an almost painful whimpering coming from Addison.

Nancy moved closer to her sister-in-law, "Addie." She whispered and gently nudged Addison's shoulder. "Addison." She repeated a little louder.

Addison's eyes fluttered open and she pushed herself up on her elbows to see Nancy standing in front of her. "Did I wake you?" she asked quietly then noticed the bottle in her hand. "Oh, shit. Did I wake Jackson? Was I snoring or something? I'm sorry."

"No, Addison, you weren't snoring. I think you were having a nightmare." Nancy told her softly. "Derek told us what happen, I'm really sorry, Addie. The girls and I were way out of line tonight. We had no idea."

"He told you?" she asked, falling back on her pillow in disappointment. "I didn't want too many people to find out. Mom already knows, then there is Mark and Derek…and that's already more than I wanted. Now all of you guys know too."

"You shouldn't have to keep something like that to yourself. It's something that your family is supposed to help you overcome and we're your family. I'm sorry we acted so horribly. I hope you can forgive us."

Addison nodded slowly. "You guys are the closest I'll ever get to sisters. Of course you're forgiven. I was never upset to being with. Had I actually cheated, you guys would have every right to be pissed off with me."

"And, Addison, I'm sorry about what I did in New York when you called for an appointment. That was wrong of me. I thought you needed an abortion after Mark or that you caught an STD or something; I don't know what I was thinking honestly. But you needed me and you trusted me and I let you down. I'm sorry for that. I know you would never have done that to me."

"Don't worry about it. That's in the past and I'm trying to put the past behind me so I can move on with my life." Addison assured her. "But I still haven't seen anyone for a formal exam and Derek really wants me to because he's worried. Let me know when you're going back to work after your extended maternity leave."

"The maternity leave doesn't matter, Addie. I'd go in to the practice anytime you need me to. We could drive out to New York a little early on Sunday and you guys can fly back from there."

Addison shook her head. "I'm not ready to go back to New York yet. Just thinking about it freaks me out."

"Okay, so call me when you're ready. And if you need me to, I'll fly out to Seattle for you." Nancy promised. "As for those dreams of yours, I could try to say comforting stuff but I think your husband would be more effective in providing you with comfort and assurance. I'll go get him, okay?"

Addison nodded. "Thanks, Nancy. It means a lot to me to have your support."

Nancy gave her a small smile before going back up the stair to get Derek then feed her son. Derek replaced her presence at Addison's side almost within the minute. He took a seat at the edge of the soft and gently tucked a few loose strands of hair behind Addison's ear.

"Nightmares?" he asked softly.

Addie nodded her head in response to his question.

"I've been reading up on the aftermath of a rape. I just want to understand it all better so I can do something tangible to help you. Nightmares seemed to be common but I hadn't noticed them in you. I was afraid they would start sooner or later, I was hoping you'd skip that stage because I'm sure it's difficult. I read you like…see everything over in your dreams, sometimes to an exaggerated extent. That can't be easy."

Her dream wasn't exaggerated. It was almost as if she were watching a video of everything that happened to her that night but she didn't describe it to Derek. She just smiled at him, "You've been reading about it?" she asked while drawing invisible circles on his arm with her finger.

She took that as a sign that he really did care for her. He may have feelings for another woman but she picked up on the fact that he also felt strongly for her. He hadn't shown much emotion after discovering she was raped. He was sort of indifferent about the whole thing and she didn't blame him for it because it's difficult to digest. She was worried that his indifferent attitude meant he didn't care but now she knew that he spent his limited free time reading up on her condition and looking for ways to be more helpful in her recovery. That meant more to her than anything he could ever say or do.

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><p>And now you review and tell me what you thought with brutal honesty.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

After returning from Connecticut Derek and Addison went back to work almost immediately. Derek did his best to make time for his wife and Addison really appreciated the effort. He would make sure they had the same time after in the afternoon so they could spend their lunch hour together. He would arrange romantic dinners as often as he could. Sometimes he would take her to different places he'd heard rave reviews about and other times he would cook for her using recipes his mother taught him before he had moved out of the house to go to med school.

"This was fantastic, Derek." Addison told him honestly after finishing the last of the homemade chicken fettuccine alfredo her husband had made just for her. He had even packed it up and brought it to the hospital so they could have dinner together on her night on-call.

Derek smiled at her while biting into the last garlic bread which they had decided to split. "I remembered the long standing love affair you had with anything alfredo related while we were interns so I decided to make this so we can remiss during a night on-call."

"Except when we were interns we could never kick back and enjoy a homemade meal while other people did our work for…" she was interrupted when her cell phone buzzed with a page to the ER and she groaned, looking at Derek apologetically. "You can go home if you want, Der, I don't expect you to stay here with me all night."

Derek shook his head. "No, I don't wanna leave you here alone all night. I wanna stay."

"Okay, then I'll be back as soon as I can." She replied with a grateful smile. Her eyes followed Derek while he grabbed her lab coat for her and held it up so all she had to do was slide her arms in. She was about to leave when she saw him put his own lab coat on. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Coming with you. I know I'm not a gyn or neonatal god but interns usually tag around with you for this kinda stuff and I'd like to think that I'd be at least as helpful as an intern." He explained.

"Wouldn't you rather lie down in my office and watch a movie on my laptop? Ya know, just relax for a little while. Why would you wanna work unnecessarily?"

"Because it would mean spending time with you." He answered, following quickly behind her all the way to the ER.

"Fine, but you should know, the interns call me She-Shepherd for a reason."

"And what would that reason be?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "Literature, Derek. Ever read Beowulf? She-wolf? Get the reference? Because they think of me as a monster…"

Derek stared at her blankly. "You overanalyze and think a little too much." He replied.

"Anyway, I'm not going to go easy on you just because we're married and you're an accomplished neurosurgeon. You don't intimidate me." She warned while coming to a sudden halt causing Derek to bump into her. Addison shook head in disappointment but she had a smirk on her face. "You are the worst intern I have ever had. I should have been holding the chart thirty seconds ago, Dr. Shepherd."

"You're right. You are some type of fictional monster." Derek mumbled under his breath and dragged himself over to the nurse's station to grab the patients chart.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd, you're here!" one of the nurses exclaimed, "I was just about to page you. Is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd here? I paged her but I haven't seen her yet."

"Yes, she's here. I'm her personal slave tonight. She wanted me to grab her chart." He replied. "Wait, you were gonna page me? I'm not even on call tonight."

"Dr. Webber insisted, Dr. Shepherd." The woman explained, holding out one chart to him. "That's for Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's patient. 2 month old vomiting blood. Your patient is being transferred in from Queens, New York. The guy has an inoperable brain tumor that's expanding in size almost daily. His chart is being faxed over as we speak. I'll get it together and find you. He's expected to arrive in 30 minutes."

Derek sighed and took the chart the nurse was holding out to him. "Thanks." He replied tiredly and the dragged himself back over toward Addison who were typing quickly on her Blackberry. He held out the chart to her impatiently and cleared his throat for her attention when she hadn't taken it 10 seconds later.

Addison sent the text message before redirecting her attention to Derek. She took the chart from him and glanced at the label on the side for her patient's name, age and triage number. "Oh, by the way, Richard is looking for you. Something about a career changing opportunity. He says he got tempted and agreed on your behalf."

"I know I heard." Derek mumbled with disappointment.

"You're not thrilled? You're always unrealistically happy about career changing cases." She replied as she walked toward her patient.

"Yeah, but I'd honestly prefer to follow you around all night and hear your bitching and not come up from a treatment plan for an inoperable tumor." He replied. "Btw, you might want to move your ass a little faster. 2 month old vomiting blood. And that's right, I said btw. I had a 14 year old patient today. I learned all the new lingo."

"Lol." Addison replied dryly and sarcastically. "I have to go. I've kept that family waiting long enough. You have fun with your inoperable tumor."

* * *

><p>An hour later Derek walked into the private hospital room his patient was situated in soon after his arrival. Derek had gone through the details of the chart and unwillingly took on the case only because Richard had already agreed in his place. "Mr. Burrows." He started, extending his hand out for a hand shake. "I'm Dr. Derek Shepherd. I'm in charge of your case."<p>

"Oh. Shepherd? Intersting." The man replied somewhat strangely but Derek didn't pay much attention to it.

"The nuero resident was present when you were brought it, he updated me on all the tests he ordered and I saw the vitals your nurse recorded in the chard so I'm pretty much caught up now. Your team from New York emailed me MRIs and CTs but I wanna re-do them here just so I can have a clear image and so I can have the actual films ready for access."

"Okay." Mr. Burrows agreed with a nod. "They told me you were my last shot at survival. My doctor in New York, she told me you were amazing and that if you couldn't help than I am pretty much screwed."

"I'm going to do everything I can, Mr. Burrows." Derek assured with a comforting smile. "I've led some very difficult cases throughout the years and my success rate is very high thus far with complicated cases. And let me tell you, the more you can relax and stop worrying, the easier all of this will be on you. Let me do all the worrying and panicking, okay?"

"Okay." The man nodded at his doctor. "So Shepherd, huh? Any relation to Addison Shepherd?"

"Yeah, she's my wife. You know her?" he asked curiously. "Are you in the medical field? Because than it wouldn't be so surprising, Journals always tie us together every time they publish about either one of us."

The man shook his head. "No, no, not in the medical field. I was a truck driver up until a few years ago. Then I gave that up and went into the taxi industry. I know your wife from New York. She had a few huge cases that made the news and papers and everything."

Derek nodded with a proud smile. "Yeah, she's had three as far as I know. There was the quint case about five years ago, a sextuplet case three years ago and that same year she had that case with the baby that was born attached to a stillborn twin, she led the team separating them."

"There was one more last year. It was some experimental heart surgery for a premature infant whose heart was not working strong enough." He informed Derek. "I vaguely remember the other but this one sticks out. It was revolutionary according to Good Morning America. She was interviewed by Diane Sawyer. If I remember correctly, she's a beautiful woman. Redhed, right? Blue eyes? …or maybe they were green. I don't remember."

"That's her." He confirmed. "Her eyes seem to alternate between shades of blue and green so I honestly have no idea what color they're supposed to be but I'm pretty sure it's her. I actually don't remember that case though, which is strange. I must have been pretty caught up in my own thing to miss all that attention on her."

"Is she here or is she still practicing in New York?"

"She's here now. We both decided to move out here. Get away from the city and the chaos, ya know."

"Do you think I could meet your wife before the surgery? I just really admire her work, I'd like to be able to hear her impressions of these cases first hand. If I don't make it through, it would be one more item crossed from the bucket list."

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd love to. Your surgery is set for two days from now. I don't want to wait too long because as I'm sure you know, your tumor is expanding in size daily and that's putting pressure on your brain. I'll see if she's free for lunch tomorrow and you can cross that off your bucket list even though I'm hopeful that the outcome of the surgery will be positive." He replied with a smile.

After leaving his patient, Derek went back to Addison's office and let himself in. He lied down on the couch and reasoned with himself that he's not invading her space, he's only there because her couch is much more comfortable than his. But before he could manage to fall asleep she walked in and went to take a seat at her desk with a few files in her hand.

"How's your night going?" he asked, sitting up so he could see her.

Addison looked up from the lab report she was reading. "Oh, you're awake. I didn't really pay attention, I assumed you were asleep. Sorry but it's been a long night so far."

Derek nodded understandingly. "How's the baby?"

"He's stable, his parents say he's been vomiting blood all day but he hasn't vomited once since he was brought in. They say he's got a history of seizures and he's on Dilantin for it but I don't see any evidence for it in his labs. I had him checked into peds for observation so we'll see what happens. If he shows no evidence of illness in 24 hours than…I don't know."

"Sounds like Munchhausen's to me." Derek replied. "If he doesn't show any problems in 24 hours than its defiantly Munchhausen's and you need to call psych on the parents and DCFS on the kid."

Addison nodded. "Yeah, I've been thinking that too but I didn't want to say it. I hate having a kid taken away from it's family. It sucks and I hate being the reason behind it." She whispered. "I'd fucking kill the person who resulted in my child being taken away from me."

"You're doing what's best for the child, Addison." Derek reasoned softly. "And you would be upset to have your child taken because I know you'd be an excellent mother. You wouldn't hurt you kid, you'd love him or her unconditionally, you'd experience actual pain if your child was ever hurt, not just sympathy pain but you'd probably feel worse than he or she does. So if someone like you had their child unreasonable taken from them then yes, it would be upsetting. But if a parent is hurting their child for attention than that's just fucked up. They don't deserve a kid."

"You're right." She whispered. "We'll see what happens I guess. How was your case? Is it as amazing as Richard ranks it to be? You excited about it?"

"Not really. But my patients is very excited about the fact that you're my wife. The man was like an Addison Shepherd groupie…and he's not even in the medical field to admire you talent. He's a taxi driver who follows your career. I think it's a random connection but he would love to meet you so I promised him I would try to arrange it. Think you can meet him during your lunch break tomorrow? He wants to cross it off his bucket list before his surgery the next day."

"That is strange." Addison told him with an inclined brow. "I guess I could meet him for you."

"Okay, I won't schedule any consults or anything so I can come with you. I know you don't like being alone with strange men…Hell, you even get creeped out when O'Malley is your intern and you're alone in the NICU with him."

"No, Derek, I think I can manage this alone. I need to start somewhere, right? I can't be afraid of every man that comes near me. Besides, this guy has a huge tumor in his head, what's he going to do to me?" she asked rhetorically.

Derek gave her a small supportive smile and nodded. "But I'm still not scheduling anything just in case you change your mind. I'll be in my office if you need me at all during that, okay?"

"Wow, you're finally choosing me over work. I'm a little honored, to be honest." she said jokingly with a grin. "That's a pretty big step for us, right? This whole night feels like a step forward. We're really trying to make this work. It's hard and it takes sacrifices, like you gave up your free night and a full night of sleep just to be be here, but it's good, right?"

"It is. Let's just hope we don't have anymore setbacks so you'll be able to smile like you are tonight a little more often."

* * *

><p>Any guesses as to what happens in the next chapter? This was a little bit of a filler but there is a big twist coming next.<br>Oh, and no one answered my smut question! None of you are any good at writing smut? Really? Because now I have to re-plan my idea for that chapter.

Anyway, review...please? Derek's change in behavior may seem too quick but I have this idea in mind for coming chapters and it should all make sense.


	9. Chapter 9

"So tell me about this guy." Addison said to Derek as they walked together down the hall toward his patient's room. "What am I supposed to talk about with some random guy?"

"I don't know much about him. He used to be a truck driver, then he bought into the taxi business. He came out here from New York. Queens I think, I'm not sure. I know he was at the Queen's Medical Center. Um, I don't think you need to worry about conversation topics. He will make conversation, he seems the talkative type." Derek replied, placing his hand at the small of her back as they approached his room. "I'm going to be right down the hall if you need me. Oh, you know what? I'll page you in ten minutes so you can get out of there."

Addison chuckled. "Derek, I'll be fine." She assured. "Go do work. Check on patients. Do something." She added while pushing him past the room. She waited until he disappeared around the corner of the hall before walking into the room. The patient had his back to her but his TV was scanning through channels so she knew he was awake. "Hi, Mr. Burrows. I'm Addison Shepherd; my husband told me you wanted to see me."

The man turned around with a grin on his face and Addison actually felt her stomach twist into a knot. "No, need for an introduction. I think I know you pretty well."

"Oh my god." She whispered to herself, feeling as if she was about to throw up right then and there. It was all in the eyes. That night she didn't have too much time to memorize every feature of her attacker but she remembered looking into the eyes of the man that was literally torturing her and she knew she'd recognize them if she came across him again and there he was. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, so you do remember me. Good. I was afraid you wouldn't. Reminding you may have been a little awkward." The man answered sarcastically with a smirk. "Now to answer your question, I have this pesky brain tumor that just won't stop growing and you have a neurosurgeon husband who just happens to be the best in the country, top five in the world. So here I am."

"My husband won't even bother with your case once I tell him who you are." She threatened.

"He can't do that. That's unethical. He has no right to judge me and determine if I deserve the treatment."

"He has the right to refuse to become involved in a highly risky surgery. There is nothing unethical about it." She snapped back. "I can't believe you have the nerve to come out here and ask my husband for a miracle and on top of that you decide you want to come face and face with me?"

"Well, no, honey. I've been face to face with you before and I quite enjoyed it. This time I wanted to talk to you, see how you're doing. I hear getting over an ordeal like that is quite difficult."

"You are unbelievable!" she exclaimed. "Do you have any idea what you did to me that night?"

"Of course I do. Do you think you were the first person I'd ever done that to? Because you're not, trust me, you're not that special. I've been with a Judge running for senate, an actual senator, there was bestselling author who happened to be nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and there was this one woman who was about to be promoted to CEO of some major publishing firm. Oh, yes, and there was the manager or the Starbucks in Time Square. She was the first and really just for practice. It's not as easy as it looks, you know."

Addison scoffed unbelievingly. "You've raped five other women? How do you live with yourself?"

"All of you had it coming, okay? You all think you're so much better than everyone else. Just because you make more money you think everyone should treat you like you're royalty or something. You all needed to be put in your place."

"You don't even know me!" Addison yelled in frustration. "Yeah, I'll admit I do have a high salary but I don't think I'm any better than anyone else just because I make more money. I don't even care about the money, it doesn't matter to me. I don't even know how to spend it. It's just sitting around somewhere. You can't judge a person based on how much they make. Money is not happiness."

"Exactly, it's not. But all of you acted like own the world. You had confidence dripping off of you. You all acted like you were the epitome of 'happy' but with a little research I realized that was all a lie. You were all married, 'ya know. All six of. But none of you ever had a your husbands with you, not ever. You'd always go into your big empty houses alone. Except the Starbucks manager, like I said, she was just for practice so she wasn't as high class as the rest of you. She was alone in her little Brooklyn apartment. And the funny thing is, all of your husbands left you afterwards." He paused and saw the shock on her face. "That's right, I know about that. I have my sources, I did my research. I knew you well before I came over that night and I kept in touch with my sources to know what happen afterwards."

"This is unbelievable." Addison whispered to herself, bring her hand up to cover her eyes while she sighed.

"I'm a little surprised yours took you back. I managed to ruin everyone else's lives. Their marriages ended, they either lost or left their jobs but you, you just kept going."

"Yeah, I did. Realistically, I should have broken down and given up. I should have quit my job and let me husband fuck around with whoever he wanted to fuck around with. But the truth is you are no one to bring my down. My life is in my hands and my giving up I would be letting you win. And I don't ever let someone win. I got up and I did the best I could to come as far as I can. I'm not who I was before, I may never be but change is good. Don't pride yourself in thinking you weakened me. If anything, I'm stronger than I was before. If I wasn't than I wouldn't be here willingly standing in front of you." Addison told him firmly. "I kept going. And that's exactly what I'm about to do right now." She added before walking out of the room with her held high.

* * *

><p>She quickly made it to the office around the corner where Derek promised he would be. She walked in without knocking and moved right toward him for physical comfort. Derek didn't really pick up on what was going on but he opened his arms in time to wrap them around her when she came near. "What happen, honey?"<p>

"He was..." she stopped and tried to even out her breathing but she couldn't. "He's…" she tried to speak again but again couldn't finish.

"Addie, it's okay, just breathe." He told her and moved her over to the couch to take a seat. He sat down beside her and softly began rubbing her back supportively. "You okay?" he asked when her breathing started to even out. "You didn't feel comfortable talking some in-your-face strange man?" he wondered. "Did he say something to you?"

"He's not a strange man." She mumbled.

"He's not? Where do you know him from?" Derek asked. "Was he like your go-to cab driver in New York?"

"No. But he does remember driving me a few times." She mumbled. "Derek, he's the one who raped me." She admitted in a whisper.

"What?" Derek exclaimed, rising to his feet in a bout of anger. He started pacing back and forth and cracking his knuckles while his mind worked to come up with a solution. He stopped in front of Addison and exhaled, "You're sure? You need to be sure. I'm about to go kill a man so I need you to be sure it was him."

"Okay, now you're a little more emotionally unstable than I am." She replied, getting up to escort him back to the seat beside her. "I'm sure it was him but I don't want you to kill him or hurt him in any way because he's an ass-hole and he will sue you and win then you'll be in prison and I won't have my husband. I really love this new you, Derek. I love that you care and that you're trying and being protective but you've always been a very rational person and I admire that about you."

"Right now I am not a rational person. Right now I'm a man who just landed his hands on his wife's rapist."

"No, Derek." She replied firmly. "Right now I just need you to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay."

Derek sighed with disappointment but wrapped an arm around her regardless, he pulled her close until he felt her head nuzzle into his shoulder. "You don't need me to tell you it'll be okay. You know it will." He replied. "You wanna tell me what happen in there? What did he say? How did you react?"

"I'm not the only one he's raped." She whispered. "There have been five others. Mostly very successful, high-profiled career women. He says he gave us all a life in his cab a few times and he was appalled by how perfected we made ourselves appear to be. He wanted to show us that we're not much better than other people. He did his research before pretty much tearing us apart from the inside out."

"Five, six including you and no one bothered to report him?" he asked shockingly.

"One was in senate, one was running for senate, one was up for a promotion to CEO. A rape is not good publicity when you're in that position. It's…people don't look at you the same way afterward. I understand that. That's part of why I never had a rape kit done to start a case. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm sure these women felt the same."

"What else happened? Did he touch you again?"

"No, no, Derek, nothing like that happened. He told me that he continued monitoring all his…victims. He says they all either quit or lost their jobs. Somehow he knew all of their husband had left them, he knew you'd left me. We're the only ones that got back together. He was surprised that I kept going after everything that happened."

"You kept going because you are the strongest, most dedicated and goal-driven person I know. And the most stubborn. You would have never given up anything without a fight. You never turn down a fight and you will keep at it until you win." He replied reassuringly.

She nodded and replied, "I actually managed to tell him that. I told him that giving up would have meant letting him win and I don't let people win. I said I couldn't allow him to pride himself with bringing him down."

Derek pressed a kiss to her temple then softly said, "I'm proud of you, Ads. You didn't turn and run. I'm not therapist, btw I think you should be seeing one, but I think that is an incredible step for you. You stood up to not only a strange man, but your attacker and you conveyed your strength."

"Okay, first of all, stop with the 'btw.' You're not 13 and it's not attractive. I feel like a pedophile every time you do that because it's like I'm looking at a little boy who I happen to be sleeping with." She paused and then looked Derek in the eyes uneasily. "Well, not exactly because I haven't exactly been _sleeping _with you lately."

"I am not a boy. Just in case you've forgotten, there is absolutely nothing _little _about me." He replied defensively.

"I don't know if I want you to do this surgery or not." She admitted quietly and somewhat shamefully. "I mean, I know I have no control over your actions. I can't tell you what to do. We've never been that couple that controls one another. But…I don't know if this guy deserves your help."

"Addison, honey, you know we are in no position to determine if a patient deserves our help. You've saved the babies or woman who spent their pregnancy drinking and getting high. Did they deserve your help? No. Did you give treat them because you have to regardless of who they are and what they've done? Yes."

"I know." She murmured. "That's why I'm not asking you not to help him. You're an amazing doctor and you should do what you can to help him."

"But, Addie, just so you know, as unethical as it may be, if you asked me not to operate, if you ask me to back out of this whole thing right now, I'll do it. I don't care how angry Richard would be or what would happen to my reputation."

"No." she replied surely. "I meant what I said, Derek, you should do what you can for hm."

"You sure?" he asked softly, rubbing her back supportively while she stared off into space in thought.

"I'm sure." She finally replied. "I just don't know if I want him to live through it or die on the table." Then she paused, new thoughts overcoming her. "But death is an easy way out of living with that guilt. Ugh.." she groaned. "I don't know what to feel about this whole thing."

"It's okay. All you need to know is that he won't be hurting you while he's hear. You are going to be fine whether he lives or dies."

"I know he's not going to hurt me while he's here. That's because I'm not going to be here."

"Woah, wait." Derek replied, surprised by her comment. "Oh, are you going to take a few days off so you won't be in the hospital during all of it. Just relax at home for a while?"

"No. I don't want to be in a state during all of this. I'll do to New York. I have so much left to do out there and this gives me an excuse to go." She glanced his way and noticed the hesitance on his face. "Oh, you don't want me to go?"

"It's not that I don't want you to go. I just wouldn't want you to go alone. I figured when you were ready to go back to New York I would come with you to…I don't know, be moral support?"

"I'll be fine. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. Besides, I really miss my shoe closet. I only brought like 20 pairs when I moved out here. It's all we could fit in the tin can."

"I knew there was another reason. You wouldn't just flee cross-country to escape a rapist. It's all about the shoes." Derek teased playfully. "I bet the other 493 pairs feel neglected and unloved."

"I don't have own 513 pairs of shoes! That is such an exaggeration!"

"Okay, fine, You own 103 pairs. You said you have 20 out here so you've gotta go check on the other 83."

She stared at him with a lifted brow, carefully considering whether or not to ask the obvious question. She decided to go for it and asked, "Why were you counting how many pairs of shoes I own?"

"Mark and I got drunk once. We bet a grand on whether or not you'd own over 100 pairs. He said it was impossible, I begged to differ. So we counted because you were on call that night. 103. I won..."

Addison's jaw dropped. "Would this happen to be about the time I found a pair of black Prada pumps with beige Jimmy Choos?"

"Who alphabetized their shoes, Addison?" Derek argued.

"They are not alphabetical!" she shot back in defense. "They are divided according to color, from lightest shade to darkest….And then each color section is alphabetized according to the last name of the designer."

Derek shook his head while looked at his wife. "You're a freak of nature."

Addison smiled at him and allowed her head to fall on his shoulder. "I miss this." She whispered. "Banter over insignificant things, meaningless insults, teasing…"

"Aw, you're so cute, you think I'm teasing you/" he replied with a chuckle. "You color coordinated and alphabetized your shoes. You're a freak of nature."

Addison gave him a smirk before answering, "And yet you love me regardless."

That's when things took an awkward turn for Derek. He had been trying to be the perfect husband. He had been there for his recovering wife. He held her, he reassured her, he supported her but he had never once told her he loved her since she moved to Seattle for him. What scared him the most was the he couldn't reply with a smile 'Yeah, I do' to confirm her statement.

* * *

><p>Thanks for the ongoing support, guys! Let me know your thoughts and I'm open to any suggestions if you guys have ideas for the story! It's mostly planned out but I could make adjustments to fit your ideas in.<p>

Btw- Have you noticed that this is the first chaptered story I've written where Derek and Addison don't have a child? I have a feeling I already said that in the A/N for chapter 1. But it's kinda strange because I can't bring in a cute little kid to fill in during awkward moments in the story.


	10. Chapter 10

"Addison?" Nancy called out for the third time, waving her hand in front of her sister in law's face. "Have you been listening to a word I said?"

Addison blinked quickly as she snapped out of her trance. "Did you say something, Nancy?"

"Yeah. I said you can get dressed now. Everything is fine, you're okay. No tearing, which means no deformation or anything. There are no external signs of STDs but I'll run the blood to double check. The results should be in by tonight, I'll put a rush on them. I did a pap-smear, because as you know, HPV is sexually transmitted and I wanted to make sure you didn't catch it and in case you did, we'll treat it before it becomes cervical cancer."

"Okay." Addison murmured. "I'm sorry I'm so zoned out. I keep thinking worst case-scenario. I should have done this sooner. If I do have an STD than it may have already progressed."

"Yeah, you should have done this sooner. You should have gone to the ER that night, Addison. That's what you'd tell your patients, right? As your doctor, I'd say waiting this long to be checked out is not a smart choice." Nancy stopped to sigh, she looked Addison in the eyes before softly continuing, "But as your sister-in-law, as one of your closest friends, I understand why you couldn't come in at first. And I apologize for turning you away when you did reach out."

"I can't test positive for an STD, Nancy. Derek and I are finally in a really good place. We can't be hit with another obstacle so soon after the last one. We haven't even got over the last bump in the road." Addison murmured.

"Don't stress over it until you know that you have something to stress over." Nancy advised. "You said you prescribed yourself the standard preventative medication the day after the rape, that significantly decreases your chances, your physical exam checked out fine and you've felt fine. I'm almost positive you will be fine. Like I said, the blood test is just to double check."

Addison nodded her understanding. "The guy who raped me is in Derek's OR right now." She whispered.

Nancy's jaw dropped in shock, she stared at Addison for almost a whole minute then said, "That's why Derek isn't here with you. I mean, I know he's never come with you to these things but I thought he would be here this time to support you."

"He didn't want me to come alone but he had to stay there for the surgery and I just needed to get away." Addison replied.

"Does Derek know that his patient is the one that pretty much destroyed your marriage…and you?"

"Yeah, of course he knows. I told him as soon as I noticed. He offered to drop the case, he told me that didn't care what it would do to his reputation. He was willing to do whatever it takes to ensure my comfort. But I didn't want to make an issue over it. We can't judge whether or not he deserves to live."

"Of course you can! The man raped you!" Nancy exclaimed in the heat of the moment. "If I were Derek I'd 'accidently' let the scalpel slip to slice of a section of the brain. Preferably a part of the hind brain, then the guy would lose what controls his basic mammalian functions."

Addison chuckled at the expression of pure hatred and violence on normally serene sister-in-law's face. "I had no idea you were so sadistic." She teased. "No but seriously, I told Derek to do his best for this guy. I figure if he doesn't survive than great, one less animal in the world. If he does survive, his ass is going to prison…I don't know how anymore because I don't have physical evidence and no one else he's raped ever reported it but I'll find a way to make it happen."

"He's raped other people?" Nancy exclaimed. "What the hell, Addie? How can you be so calm about this? The guy walks around fucking up, literally, innocent, unwilling women and you want your husband to hand him a miraculous second chance."

"It's not going to be a miraculous second chance if he makes it through. It's going to be years in prison." Addison rationalized. "I feel like just letting him die would be an easy way out for him."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Nancy mumbled in consideration. "But anyway, you were saying things between you and Derek are going well?"

A smile grew on Addison's face at the mention of her husband's name. "These last few days have been amazing. He has been so attentive and sweet. He had a 36 hour shift and instead of going home he stayed another 12 hours just because I was on-call and he wanted to keep me company. He goes home early some nights and makes dinner for us. And if he doesn't have time to do that than he makes reservations at the most amazing restaurants and makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. It's like med school all over again. I really may be falling in love all over again."

"You certainly sound like you did while you two were in med school." She replied. "I'm glad you guys are doing well, I'm glad you're working through your issues together. That's good. That's what marriage is supposed to be."

"This will probably sound disgusting to you because Derek is your brother but I'm going to say it anyway. I need those STD tests to come back negative because I need to go home and let loose. I need to come home from a romantic evening of being wined and dined at some gorgeous restaurant by the bay. I want to be comfortable when my husband moves toward me. I need to be able to make love to him again. I miss being that close, I miss the intimacy and the pure passion of it. I miss feeling wanted. I need to feel wanted."

"I'm sure. You haven't had sex in like a year. I'm surprised your hymen didn't grow back."

"You're one to judge. You've got a twelve year old and a nine year old at home who fight with one another over e_verything _and you've got the baby."

"I don't even want to have sex…After three kids sex becomes a chore. Enjoy it while it's still all euphoric like you describe, as soon as you have a kid it's going to limited to once a month and timed to ten minutes of less." Nancy mumbled tired. "Anyway, enough about your miserable sex lives. What are you doing tonight? Any interesting plans with Mark?"

"No. I think I'm gonna fly back out to Seattle this afternoon. I really miss Derek. I know it's been less than 24 hours because I only got here last night but I really miss him. And he had that surgery today and even though I don't know the outcome, I know he feels guilty. I just want to be there for him like he has been for me."

* * *

><p>Mark groaned as he extended his arm toward the empty space on the bed beside him. Hetried to locate his cell phone without opening his eyes but then gave up. He checked the caller ID and groaned again. "Derek!" he exclaimed in an annoyed tone. "It's three hours earlier aka 4 in the morning. Not to mention that I didn't sleep until two hours ago."<p>

"Oh, were you at work?"

"No." he smirked to himself proudly. "I was with a very very very good looking waitress. We went out to dinner and came home with the date and the waitress."

"You are such a whore, Mark." Derek murmured. "Is Addison there?"

"Addison? Why would Addison be here?"

Derek took a deep breath to help him alleviate the rising concern. "She flew out to New York last night and I haven't spoken to her since."

"She left you?"

"No!" Derek exclaimed. "She had a few things to do out there and she just needed to get away from work for a little while. I'm just worried because I haven't been able to get in touch with her since I took her to the airport. She told me you were going to pick her up and that she was going to stay in with you."

"No, I have absolutely no recollection about any of that. I haven't even spoken to Addison since last week. And even that was a text message war about designers. Let me give you some advice- Never go shopping and text her pictures asking for help."

"Mark…" Derek sighed. "I don't know what I'm doing, man."

"Fine. Text her if you want but don't say I didn't warn you." Mark replied. "She's gonna be all 'Stay away from stripes, and if you must, go for vertical, horizontal makes you fat.' Or 'Don't buy leather pants. They are not sexy on men.' Or my personal favorite 'Make sure you've got room in your crotch because we all know you need room every time anything with a vagina passes by."

"I'm not talking about shopping you idiot!" Derek exclaimed in aggravation. "I'm talking about my marriage, Mark! I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to my marriage."

"Oh…" Mark mumbled and sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes roughly to awaken himself.

"I just had a patient transferred from Queens. It turns out he's her rapist. And she was fine with it, she went and saw him, they spoke and she stood up for herself but then she decided she needs to leave and she said she would be there with you but now she's not."

"I'm sure she's here, Derek. I know she would never leave and not tell you where she's going. Maybe she just told you she'd be with me so you wouldn't worry." Mark replied assuringly. "I know she loves the Woldorf-Astroria, she may be there. And she's very close with Nancy. Addison may be with her."

"Yeah, I guess I should call Nancy before calling the police and demanding a nation search team." Derek mumbled.

"Yeah, you should. But don't call her now. If you call and the baby wakes up from the ringing she will get on the next flight out and kill you. Trust me, I called her once at like 1:30 to ask her how long a Hot Pocket is supposed to be in the microwave and she screamed so loud my ear rang for like a week."

"You're comparing your Hot Pocket to my wife?"

"I was hungry! …and it exploded after five minutes in there."

"You're an idiot, Mark." Derek repeated. "I'm in love with someone who's not my wife and you don't know how to read directions on a simple Hot Pockets box."

"You're in love with someone else? The intern chick? And I had already thrown the box away!"

"Yeah, the intern." Derek murmured quietly. "She's just so different compared to Addison. Addie is so independent and isolated. She knows what she wants and she'll find a way to get it. Meredith likes having someone to help her through, she doesn't isolate herself from people who care about her."

"So you're saying the same traits you used to love about Addison have become the reason you no longer believe you love her?"

"I don't know. And it's not that I don't love her. I do love her. But I'm not sure if I'm _in _love with her. And if I am in love with her, do I love her enough to continue a marriage that takes so much effort to get through? Not to mention that I don't want to talk to Addie about it because I'm afraid of hurting her. She can't get her hurt by another man."

"Derek, you need to talk to her. You need to do something. If you're stay with her just because you don't want to hurt her by ending it that's wrong, you'll be hurting her even more in the long run." Mark advised his friend. "Addison is a very understanding person and she wants you to be happy. I'm sure she'd want you to tell her if you feel your marriage to her is over."

"Yeah, you're right."

"So think about what you feel, figure out whether or not you're in love with her and how much you're willing to do to make sure marriage work. If you feel it's not enough, than tell her and end it before it gets worse. If you think the fight is worth it then you really need to fight to get out of this shithole you're in."

"Thanks, Mark." Derek replied gratefully. "Who would have ever thought I'd come to you for marriage advice?"

"I'm Mark Slaon, I know everything about everything."

"I made plan with Meredith today." Derek confided in Mark. "Today has been rough and a few of us decided to go out for dinner and drinks."

"A few of you as in you and her or a few of you as in you and her and like ten other people."

"No, not ten other people. Three other people."

"Derek, if you get drunk and do something stupid like somehow hurting Addison I will come back out there and kick your ass again."

"Again? You didn't kick my ass last time!"

"You needed 27 stitches, Derek. I defiantly kicked your ass. And consider this fair warning, if you can't choose between Addison and Meredith. If you keep Addie around and screw around with Meredith behind her back I will _literally _strap you down in an OR and slice into your chest with no anesthesia and I'll leave you there to slowly bleed to death."

"That's sweet, Mark, thanks for the notification." Derek muttered dryly.

* * *

><p>Meredith got out of her car and walked toward the deck in front of the Shepherds' trailer. "Why are we not at Joes like we were supposed to be?" she asked while grabbing a bottle of beer from the cooler.<p>

"Because that's the birthplace of all gossip that circles the hospital and I do not enjoy being the topic." Derek replied.

"Where are Burke, Alex, Cristina and the Chief?"

"Alex is at Joes. He says he wants to be somewhere with decent chicks. Cristina scored a surgery for herself when Burke got called in for a ruptured aorta and the Chief's wife demanded he be home tonight. Basically, they all cancelled on me."

"So it's just us? Where is your wife? I haven't seen her around today."

"Yup, just us. Addie is in New York, at least I think she's in New York. She hasn't been answering my calls since I dropped her off at the airport. She just needed to get away for a few days, she's been very stressed out lately."

"Yeah, I've notice." Meredith responded. "She's very jumpy when she's alone with a patient's family. Well, not family, husband more specifically. I would think that wouldn't feel too awkward for her considering that she only treats women so dealing with nervous husbands should be normal. And I was in an on-call room with her once and she woke up screaming. Claimed it was a dream about the trailer leaking in the rain and ruining all her clothes…She's just strange."

"Are you shit talking my wife to me?" Derek asked with a smirk, although he disapproved highly.

"No. I just remembered when you said she's been stressed. Maybe some time off alone would do her good." Meredith replied, trying to smooth over her mistake. "So that surgery this morning, I'm sorry you lost the patient but you really did everything you could. It was a long shot, everyone knew that before we even agreed to take on the case. I hope you didn't arrange a drinking-fest because you're trying to get past that."

"Addison asked me to make sure he lives." Derek murmured.

"I'm sure Addison would understand. It's not like he's her brother. I'm sure she was just being encouraging for you."

"Yeah…" he trailed off before taking a long swig of his beer.

"This is awkward. We can't even find a topic to discuss for more than two minutes. If I had known everyone else bailed I would have stuck it out at Joes with Alex. Maybe I should just go and let you drink out your guilt and get to bed."

"No." Derek answered. "I arranged the get together because I didn't want to be alone. I've been married for almost 12 years and before that I had Mark in my face all the time and before that I had four sisters and an overinvolved mother. I'm not used to being alone. I just need the company of a friend."

"A friend? Since when are we friends?" Meredith asked with a raised brow, looking at Derek with the conclusion that he must already be tipsy.

"We're friends!" Derek exclaimed with another long swig of beer. "And lately I've really been in need of a friend lately."

Two hours and a few bottles of beer and numerous shots of tequila later they lost control of their thoughts and actions and let their impulsive sides take over.

* * *

><p>A black SUV pulled up to the trailer, stopping further than Addison was willing to walk. She had called a chauffeur service because she had couldn't bring herself to get into a cab alone. She smiled when the suit clad driver opened the passenger door for her. It may cost like triple the price of a cab, but it was worth the security in Addison's perspective.<p>

"Do you need help with your bags, Dr. Shepherd?" he asked politely while holding his hand out to help her step down from the car.

"Um, I don't think so. Can you just take them out of the car and leave them out here? I'll make my husband do all the heavy lifting. Wouldn't want you to do the grunt work." She replied.

"I don't mind doing it if you need it to be done." The young man replied earnestly. "But my wife enjoys torturing me too so I understand if you want to make him do it. I'll leave it out here for him."

"Thank you." Addison said with a grateful smile as she began walking over to the trailer. She walked closer to the door and heard gasping and moaning. She was sure that it was nothing. She tried to convince herself that the loneliness and horiness had finally gotten to Derek so he was taking advantage of his alone time with porn. She heard a feminine voice call his name in orgasmic bliss and realized that wasn't the case. A quick glance in one of the large windows revealed two figures in bed and that's all Addison needed to see. She quickly turned back and ran toward the same black SUV that brought her.

"Your husband didn't bother to get up to get the luggage, am I right?" the driver asked with a smirk.

Addison turned away from him and bent over to vomit onto the grass. She wished it was Derek holding her hair back and not a cute 23 year old who was only driving arrogant rich people around to make money to go to graphic design school.

"I'm sorry." Addison murmured in humiliation.

"It's okay. A combination of exhaustion and jet lag does that people. You're not the first I've seen." He assured softly. "You go inside and lie down for a little while I'll bring them to the door for your husband so all he has to do is pull them in."

"My husband is in there having sex with another women in my bed." Addison whispered. "I know I only pre-paid for the ride from Sea-Tac to here but my credit card number should still be on file. I don't care if there is an additional charge. Can you please take me the Archfiend?"

"Of course I'll take you." He answered, escorting her to the backseat of the car where he helped her step up into the vehicle. "Just try to calm down while I get your bags back in the car, okay? And we'll stop by somewhere on the way and get you a bottle of Perrier or Ginger Ale to help with your nausea."

* * *

><p>Didn't expect that, did you? I love unexpected twists in stories! You know what I hate? Typos! Let me know if you find any because I'm afraid I missed a few.<p>

Oh, yeah, one more thing. Don't forget to R-E-V-I-E-W. And my twitter link is on my profile page. If I take more than a week to update than start pestering me on twitter so I can get to it.


	11. Chapter 11

Derek woke up with a murderous headache the next morning. He couldn't recall anything that happened the previous night and didn't understand why he was naked in bed. He tried the au natural sleep theory and decided that it was bull shit. He slept just as well with underwear and a t-shirt on as he did if he were naked. He pushed aside those random thoughts and reached for his cell phone to see if he had any missed calls from Addison. He didn't.

So he got dressed as if it was any other morning and went to work. There was nothing out of the ordinary until the end of his rounds when he noticed a familiar red head walking toward him from the other end of the hall. Their eyes briefly met and she felt her heart speed up so she turned and moved back down the hall toward the safety of her office.

"Addison!" he called after her. She, of course, didn't stop. Derek upped his pace to catch up to her before she could make it into her office and lock the door behind her. He took her arm and held onto it tighter when she tried to pull away. He pulled her into her office which was just a few steps away and shut the door behind him.

"You're hurting me." She murmured quietly.

He looked down at his grip on her arm and then let go. "I'm sorry." He replied softly. "I just didn't want you to walk away from me. What are you doing here?"

"I don't know." She admitted. She had no idea why she was in Seattle. She didn't understand why she so easily gave up her life in New York for a man who barely cared for her.

"What do you mean you don't know?" he replied, a little agitated by her odd behavior. "It's not a difficult question, Addison. I take you to the airport and you tell me you're going to New York for a week. You don't answer any of my calls after that and two days later you're back in Seattle."

"I missed you." She admitted hesitantly. "I didn't think I could be away from you until the end of the week so I came back last night."

"You missed me but you came back and didn't bother to home or call me to let me know you're here?" he asked with a raised brow looking at her skeptically.

"I did come home. I called a car service to pick me up from the airport. I wanted to surprise you. Nancy had told me that I officially didn't have to worry about an STD and I was relieved and I missed being with you in the physical sense. I missed the intimacy and the high and I know you did too. Last night I learned that you got tired of waiting for me to reach that point."

"What are you talking about, Addie? You came home last night? Is that why your side of the bed was slept in?" he asked in confusion. "I was d_runk _last night. I don't remember anything. So if you came home and I turned you away or anything like that than I apologize. It was just the alcohol."

"No, I never actually made it into the trailer. I was right outside but something stopped me from going in. My side of the bed was slept on because Meredith slept there. Well, I'm not sure if she slept there but I know she was there because I saw you naked and on top of her on my side of the bed. I didn't want walk in and ruin the moment for you two so I just turned around and asked the driver to take me to a hotel."

"I didn't have sex with Meredith last night, Addie. I couldn't have had sex with her. I'm not that stupid."

"Apparently you are." She murmured beneath her breath. "Look, Derek, you were drunk and you don't remember. I saw it with my own eyes so you can't tell me it didn't happen. And you were never any good with facing temptation while you're drunk."

"Okay, then Addie, you have to believe that I never meant to hurt you if I did sleep with her. I was drunk. If I were sober I'd never do anything like that."

"Drunken actions, sober thoughts." Addison reminded him.

"No, Addison, I'd never do that to you! If I was sober it wouldn't have happened!" he insisted desperately. "Please don't leave me over this. Give me a chance! I gave you the chance when I thought you slept with Mark."

Addison laughed bitterly. "I didn't even cheat and you still rub it in my face every chance you get." She replied. "And you didn't give me a chance, you walked away from me. You left me."

"But I took you back." He reminded her.

"On your terms." She added.

"I was drunk, Addie. I am sorry. I never meant for it to happen. If I were sober…"

"Stop with the 'if'! 'If' is not good enough. If you were sober you wouldn't have fucked her, if you knew I didn't sleep with Mark you wouldn't have left me. If you knew I was raped you wouldn't have treated me like shit for the first few months I was here. If you hadn't met Meredith you might still love me. Do you think I deserve to live with those 'ifs' for the rest of my life? Because if you think I deserve that than I'll forgive you right now and we can pretend none of this every happened."

"No, you don't deserve any of it."

"Derek, I need you to look at me and admit that you don't love me anymore. I need to hear you say that you're in love with Meredith and that our marriage is over. I can't move on if I don't hear it from you." She stood there with her arms crossed over her chest and looked at him expectedly. "Say it."

"I can't say it, Addison." He countered.

"Derek, I'm leaving whether you say it or not. I'm just asking you to do me a favor to make it easier for me to move on. I don't want to sit around for months thinking maybe did love me a little. I already wasted enough time."

"I'm not saying it." He repeated firmly.

"Fine. Get out of my office."

"What?"

"Get out of my office."

"We're not done talking about it, Addison. I want you to understand that I am immensely sorry. I care about you greatly. I worry about you. That's got to mean something."

"Notice how you didn't mention love there?" She murmured.

"I do love you!"

"Like you love your sisters? Because Derek, you're defiantly not _in _love with me. Not like you used to be. You made me feel like we had a chance. You made me trust you. I was so vulnerable and I let you see me like that, I thought I could depend on you…" she wiped away the tears from her cheeks and sniffled. "This conversation is over. This marriage is over. There is nothing to talk about anymore. So, please, just for once in your life, don't make this difficult for me. Get out of my office."

* * *

><p>"Derek, just the person I was looking for." The Chief said, putting his hand on Derek's shoulder to guide him into an empty on-call room.<p>

"Richard, I know you see people doing this all the time and I'm sure you wonder what's the glory in it, but I'm not gay." Derek teased.

Richard didn't get the perverted remark. He just looked back at the neurosurgeon with frustration written all over his face. "Would you like to explain to me why I have your wife's letter of resignation sitting on desk? Do you know how much effort I put in to bringing her out here? I invested 35 million dollars in that new NICU of hers! I can't afford for her to leave."

"Letter of resignation? Addison wants to leave?" Derek asked in shock.

"Yes, I thought you knew. I wouldn't have told you if I knew you weren't supposed to know. I just figured since I got one from her I would be getting one from you soon."

"Do you think the board would let her break contract?"

"I don't know for sure but I think they will. Her letter of resignation was very well written." Richard answered. "So should I be expecting one from you too? Are you going to make her write it for you because it's obvious she's the move talented writer between the two of you."

"No, I'm not handing in a resignation anytime soon."

"So then why did Addison?"

* * *

><p>"Addison!" Derek exclaimed when he saw a glimpse of her walking out of a scrub room. He ran after he and reached out to grab her arm but recalled how uncomfortable it made her a few days earlier. Instead, he gently laid his hand on her shoulder hoping that was enough to stop her. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"<p>

"No." she replied and turned back around to continue walking.

"Addie, please." He pled with her. "I'm not asking for much. I just need a few minutes of your time just to talk to you."

"That's not asking much? When I asked the same from you, before you left New York, you acted like that was asking you for a kidney or something."

"I'm concerned about you." He told her softly.

"I could tell by the look on your face while you were doing your girlfriend." She snapped in response.

Derek sighed and then took in a deep breath. "Richard told me that you gave him a letter of resignation. He says it's more than likely that the board will let you break your contract. I'm just wondering what your plans are? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, Derek, I think you've done more than enough."

"Look, Addison, I understand that you're upset with me. You've got ever right to be pissed off, you have every right to hate me. I hate myself, honestly. But I'm just trying to show you that I care about you. I want you to know that I'll always be here. I just need you to be a little understanding about all of this and give me a chance."

"Give you a chance? Trust you again?" Addison asked ambivalently. "You have broken my heart twice in the last year. You walked out on me when I so desperately needed you. But I looked past it, I let you in again. I trusted you at the most vulnerable point in my life."

"Addison, I said I'm sorry. I don't even remember the affair. What more do you want?" he yelled back at her.

"What more do I want?" she repeated in fury. "I want you to leave me alone! That's what I want!"

"Are you two finished?" Richard yelled over them. "This is a hospital. We've got people recovering from surgery, we have a waiting room filled with anxious people and the two more expensive and renowned members of my staff are screaming about their personal lives in the hall! My office, now."

"We're not in high school, Richard." Derek scoffed.

"My office, Shepherd, _now._" He repeated firmly.

He turned to look at Addison but she didn't give him another glance. She just started walking toward Richard's office while all the eyes in the hall followed her. Derek quietly started to follow behind her and Richard went after them. He stepped into his office after them and shut the door while the couple stood there. Addison had her arms crossed over her chest with her eyes glaring at Derek who was busy staring at the floor.

"What is going on with you?" Richard demanded. "Last week I've got nurses complaining that you were disgustingly affectionate with one another and this week you're screaming at one another! Is your relationship bipolar?"

"We're not in a relationship anymore." Addison replied.

Richard's jaw dropped just slightly, he speechlessly turned to Derek and took a few seconds to process the information. "That's why she wants out of her contract?" he turned to Addison and continued. "Since when do you give up so easily?"

"I should have given up six months ago. There was nothing to keep fighting for." Addison mumbled.

"She didn't give up easily." Derek added.

Richard sighed and took a seat behind his desk. "As someone who's known you since the week after you guys got married, I understand that this must be difficult. As friend, I know it's hard, especially considering that things seemed so good between you recently but as your chief of surgery, as your boss, your behavior is unacceptable. The end of your marriage does not give you an excuse to make a scene like that in my surgical wing."

"I'm sorry." Derek offered.

Addison remained silent for a few seconds then looked at Richard. "This is why I need to leave, Richard. I can't stay here with him in my face all the time."

"Addison, you know that's not up to me. It's the board who decid-"Richard started to say before Addison cut him off.

"You know what bothering me the most about this whole situation?" she said to Derek. "You've been lying to me this whole time. I thought you really loved me, I thought you were fighting for us but the truth is you would have left me if I didn't tell you about the rape. You were probably never going to tell me you actually love Meredith. You would have never told me that you screwed her while I was away."

"I couldn't tell you that I screwed her because I was drunk when it happened! I don't remember it, Addison. I was very drunk beyond what words can explain."

"What exactly is it, Derek? Is it the fact that I'm getting older? Is that why I'm such a turn off now? Or maybe it's because I'm not as attractive as I used to be, I'm not as attractive as she is. Is that it? Did I gain weight or something? "

"No, Addison, what I did had nothing to do with you. You're a beautiful, very attractive woman."

"So then what is it? Is she more intellectual than I am? She's got more in common with you?"

"What are you talking about, Addison? I don't think she's better than you in anyway. I don't know what is was…"

"I'm trying to understand why I wasn't good enough for you to be content." She replied. "Oh…it's because of the rape." She suddenly realized. "I'm damaged goods now. I've got emotional baggage no one wants to deal with…"

"No! That's absurd, Addison." Derek exclaimed while Richard sat speechlessly watching the couple argue.

"You expect me to believe you? Everything I believed over the last few months was a lie." She whispered. "And you make that sound so insignificant. Like that's not a reason to be hurt and upset. As if I haven't been hurt enough by men in the past, I should sit back and let you take advantage of me? I can't do that anymore. I did it with my father, I did it with your patient aka my rapist, I'm not doing it again. I need to start protecting myself."

* * *

><p>Just when you think Addison was finally recovering this happens. I'm mean, what can I say? But let's not pretend tragic shiz like this doesn't make good for good reading. There is still more to come. I just have to figure out how Derek sweep in and be Addison's prince charming again. Any suggestions?<p>

Keep up with the bitchin' awesome reviews.


	12. Chapter 12

If there is anything Mark hated, it was being interrupted during sex with a very hot woman. So when he heard someone banging on the door while he was busy with a student nurse, Mark was defiantly pissed off. That anger last up until the second he opened the door to find Addison standing on the other side with two suit cases in tow. After seeing her, he suddenly didn't care that she interrupted his kinky sex session.

"Addison." He greeted, holding the door wide open for her to walk in.

"I'm interrupting something, aren't I?" she asked wearily. "I'm sorry. I'll go get a hotel room."

"No, no." Mark insisted, grabbing one of her suit cases from her. "The guest room is all yours. In fact, I don't even think of it as a guest room. It's Addison's room, if anyone ever asks…and let me tell you, the chicks aren't fond of it but I don't care."

Addison chuckled and smiled at him. "That's sweet, Mark. Thank you."

"Mark?" a feminine voice called from the master bedroom. Just seconds later a young woman appeared in the doorway wrapped in a sheet. "Oh, my god! You're married?" she asked incredulously.

"No!" Addison exclaimed in Mark's defense. "No, we are defiantly not married. We are not in a relationship of any kind."

Mark's brows came together at her statement. "That's not true, we are friends. Very close friends, at that. Close enough for you to come to fly across the country and show up at my apartment unannounced at midnight."

Addison nodded in agreement. "That's true, I'm sorry. I meant to say that we're not in a romantic relationship. Never have been and probably never will be." She assured the young woman then turned back to Mark. "Derek and I finally decided to call it quits." She informed him.

"Oh…" Mark trailed off, his eyes growing a little more dull from hearing the news. "Kristie, our night is over. You should probably get dressed and get going."

"Mark, you don't have to do that for me." Addison quickly interjected when she saw the confusion all over the girl's face.

"Addie, you just ended your almost 12 year marriage to my best friend of 30 years. Excuse me if I'm no longer in the mood to fuck a clueless blonde with big tits." He replied firmly, not thinking far enough ahead to realize it would hurt the women who'd kept him entertained up until Addison showed up.

"I'm sorry, Kristie." Addison apologized in his place. "Mark's just a little emotionaly fucked up right now. I'll make sure he calls you sometime tomorrow, okay? And just forget about this. The three of us became this unconventional family. We've been there for one another through a lot. And Mark's parents divorced dramatically so he's interpreting this as if his family is falling apart again. Does that make sense?"

"You people are weird!" Kristie yelled with confusion still tainting her face. She quickly got dressed and left the apartment leaving Mark staring off into space with a blank expression on his face.

"Mark?" Addison called of softly, waving his hand in front of his face.

"We're not weird." He replied, sounding a little too much like a defensive five year old. "I was there when Derek's asked you out and I went with him to talk to mom about giving him the ring his dad gave her. And when she refused, I went with him to like 15 jewelry stores until we found you the perfect ring. I helped him plan that proposal. I hid in a bush to get pictures for you guys! I was there for like every milestone your relationship ever hit….except the first fuck. That would be just weird. I've been there for everything besides the sex."

"There was a ring that Carolyn didn't want me to have?" Addison asked, one brow raised with a curious look on her face. "Well, at least she'll be happy to hear that we're finally over. Now Derek can be with someone who deserves that ring because she is probably a much better person than I ever will be."

"Focus, Addison. We were talking about my heartbreak here, not yours." Mark replied with an eye roll. "You're divorcing Derek and you make it sound like this is all about you two. What about me? How am I supposed to choose?"

Addison laughed and sat down beside him on the couch. She put her hand on his back and started rubbing soothing circle. "The chief of Mt. Sinai was on to something when he used to joke that you're like an over grown child in our marriage."

* * *

><p>Derek sat back in his office and picked up his phone. He dialed his mother's phone number and impatiently waited for her to pick.<p>

"Derek, hi." His mother greeted happily. "What's going on? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I am at work." He replied.

"Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to with a patient acting like some type of god?" Carolyn teased.

"I can't focus on patients. I need to talk to someone and I didn't know who else to call." He admitted with shame marked in his voice.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"Addison left me."

"Addison left you?" Carolyn asked, unsure if she heard her son correctly.

"Yes."

"Well, Derek, she's going through something that none of us can understand. I'm sure she just needs time to herself and she'll be back when she's ready. She loves you."

"Be that as it may, she's not coming back. We officially ended things. She's going to file for divorce, she may have already done it. I don't know. The point is that our marriage is over and she's gone and she's not coming back." Derek told his mother.

"Why? What happen to make her leave all of a sudden?" Carolyn asked curiously. "I spoke to Nancy a week ago. She says Addison was in New York for her check-up. She said that she was hopelessly in love with you and was saying the cutest things. She even told me that Addison missed you so much that she cut her trip to New York short to come back to you."

"Yeah, she came back early and caught me in bed with Meredith."

"You cheated on your wife?" Carolyn exclaimed incredulously. "I would think I raised you better than that. She's at a very vulnerable point in her life right now and you pretty much stabbed her in the back during that."

"I was drunk! I don't remember sleeping with Meredith. I don't remember her walking in. I don't remember any of it! All I know is I saw her at work the next morning and she was fuming angry with me and told me that she wants out."

"Well just because you don't remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Did you speak to Meredith? Does she recall any of it?"

"She's been avoiding me at all possible costs."

"Well, there is obviously a reason she doesn't want to bump into you. And Addison saw what she saw. You can't tell her she's wrong. Addison loves you, I know that for a fact. She wasn't just looking for an excuse to walk away. She's been downplaying how much you've hurt her, she wouldn't make this up, if that's what you're thinking."

"No, I'm not thinking that. I know she would never make something like that up. I guess I was just expecting her to give me a chance to make it up to her because I gave her a chance when I thought she slept with Mark."

"First of all, stop throwing Mark in her face. Do you understand that every time you remind her of the affair that didn't happen you are reminding her of the rape that did happen."

"Next month is our twelfth anniversary. I wasn't prepared for my wife of twelve years to walk out on me."

"I know that's hard, Derek. I wasn't expecting your father to die, I wasn't expecting to lose my husband of 15 years. It happens and it's hard, I get that. But in your case, Derek, you did this. You should have seen it coming. Your marriage was over long before she left. You guys should have separated in New York when you realized you care about your career more than you care about her."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Addie." Mark smiled at her one night after he got home from work. "I stopped by the drug store on my way home." he help out a plastic bag to her.<p>

"Did you get my tampons?"

"Yes." Mark groaned. "Do you know how many brands of those damn things there are? And I was standing there reading every box so you can have exactly what you asked for. You can be quite scary during that time of the month so we wouldn't want you to have the wrong kind. But anyway, do you know how many women, very, very good looking women, looked at me like I'm a freak."

"Women love men who are willing to buy them tampons." Addison disagreed.

"Yes, but men only buy tampons when they really, r_eally, seriously _love a woman. And I do really, seriously love you but not like that. Except how am I supposed to explain that to a woman in the tampon aisle of a drugstore? Landing a date in the tampon aisle is actually less likely than landing a date while you're on another date."

"Mark, you go out on a date with one woman and you come home with someone completely different." Addison reminded him causing a smirk to appear on his face. "You landed a date from the tampon aisle, didn't you?"

Mark nodded with a widening smile. He moved closer to her to kiss her cheek then rushed toward the door. "Gotta go, she's waiting downstairs. Don't wait up."

Just days later without giving any notification, Addison decided it was time to move out. It was the only way she could start moving on with her life. So she woke up one morning two weeks after she moved in and she started packing all her clothing. That same day, Mark's afternoon abdomenoplasty was cancelled which meant that he could make it home in time to watch the Yankees. That also meant he stepped into his apartment and caught Addison neatly folding her clothing to place in her suit case.

"Are you going back to Seattle?" was the first thing he asked. He was sure that Addison had not been in contact while she was living with him but he was still hopeful that they would reconcile.

"No." Addison answered. "I just think it's time for me to move out. Having me here is ruining your sex life."

"If that bothered me, Addison, I would have kicked your ass out the day after you showed up at my door." Mark replied reassuringly. "I like having you here. It doesn't bother me. In fact, I like that I don't have to come home to an empty house anymore. And it hasn't ruined my sex life. Women think I'm married when they find out I live with a women and it makes them very excited. Apparently fucking a married man is better than a single manwhore. "

"I'm not your wife, Mark. If you don't want to come home to an empty house any more than that's a sign that you're ready to settle down. Maybe you should start taking dating a little more seriously."

Mark pretended to think about it for ten seconds then he looked at Addison and said, "No. But getting back to you, if you're not going to Seattle then where exactly are you going on such short notice?"

"I'm going to the Brownstone. I need go back there and convince myself that it's not the house's fault that I was raped. I need to feel at home again. And if I can't get comfortable there than I need to rent it out or sell it or something and find a new permanent place to live. I can't move on with my life if I live with you. You constantly remind me of Derek."

"Okay." Mark nodded understandingly. "You could have told me that, Addie. I'd help you pack your stuff. We can take my car, I'll take you to the Brownstone and help you get settled. If you feel uncomfortable or anxious at any point during the night you can call me and I'll be there, okay? Just because you're trying to move on doesn't mean you have to do it alone."

"Mark I appreciate everything you do for me. You're an amazing friend and I'm really grateful for that. But I need to do this alone. I can't move on with someone who's played such a significant role in my past."

"Addison, you're isolating yourself. That's the worst thing you could possibly do right now. You need to have people around you to support and love you." Mark told her softly and supportively. He cautiously placed his hand on her shoulder to emphasis his point, to show that he would always be there for her even if Derek was out of her life.

"Have you ever had your significant other leave you after a rape? Do you know what it's like to know the love of your life is in love with someone else? Do you understand how much it hurts to end a 15 year relationship? No, Mark, you don't. So you can possibly know what's best for me."

* * *

><p>Mark is back by popular demand! ...too bad Addison doesn't want him around. She's gonna get a lot worse before she gets better. Hope you guys find it interesting!<br>Review! I wanna hear thoughts and ideas and likes and dislikes, expectations and anything else you guys wanna share.


	13. Chapter 13

Carolyn Shepherd had been outside the Brownstone for ten minutes. She's banged on the from door relentlessly but no one answered it. She was sure that Addison was home, she knew that Addison hadn't returned to work. The extremely nosey neighbor also took the liberty of coming out and informing Carolyn that Addison never left the house for any reason. She said she would only step out to get the mail.

"She's always wearing the same skimpy outfit when I see her." The old woman told her. "It's a black t-shirt that says CBGB. That's it, just a t-shirt. No pants. I think she joined a gang or something. Or maybe she became a drug addict. She's always got dark circles under her eyes. She's a surgeon, you know. She'll get fired if people find out."

"I know." Carolyn nodded awkwardly, watching as the old woman's eyes lit up at the opportunity to gossip.

"I think she's defiantly using because she's not going to work. And her husband left her a few months ago. She cheated on him. I remember hearing that fight. He was screaming so loud and he threw her out of the house. I saw her sobbing outside the door in that same t-shirt she's always wearing. He hasn't been back here since then. I guess they broke up."

"I know." Carolyn replied dryly.

"How? Do you live around here? I'm sure I would have noticed you if you lived around here. I know everyone on the block."

"No, I don't live around here. I live in Connecticut."

"That fight was loud but I'm sure you couldn't have heard it all the way in Connecticut." The woman answered with a dumbfounded look on her face.

"I didn't hear the fight." Carolyn rolled her eyes. By this point she didn't even bother hiding the fact that she was annoyed with the woman. "Addison is my daughter-in-law. Her husband, the man who left her, he's my son. Derek. And in Addison's defense, she is not a drug addict and she didn't cheat on him. Don't judge a book by the cover."

"Oh…" the woman mumbled. "Well there is a key hidden in the spoil of that dead plant. I've seen the blond guy she cheated with dig it out on a few occasions."

"You need a new hobby." Carolyn replied bluntly before doing back up the stairs toward the door. She found the key hidden the dirt and unlocked the door to go into the house. "Addison?" she called out while she looked room to room for her daughter-in-law. There was no response. She moved up the stairs quickly and went toward the master bedroom.

"Addie." She called out softly again but didn't see her in the bed when she opened the door to walk in. To her surprise, the bed was not made. She knew Addison as the type who always kept things in order. The sheets were stained with blood on the pillow and the blanket was thrown off to the side. She realized that Addison probably tries not to go into that room and everything she's seeing is what happen the night of the rape/alleged affair.

Carolyn shook her head with the concern slowly building up. She moved onto the guest bedrooms used only when any of her grandchildren spent the night in their uncle's care. To her surprise, she saw Addison asleep in the bed with a half empty bottle of wine on the ground beside the bed. "Addison." Carolyn whispered and moved forward to brushed the hair away from Addison face, hoping the contact would wake her.

Addison's eyes slowly fluttered open. She looked at Carolyn with confusion then conclude that she was still be asleep and that she was dreaming.

"Addie, you need to get out of bed it's four in the afternoon." Her mother figure told her.

Addison rubbed her eyes tiredly and took a deep breath. Then she glanced in Carolyn direction again and realized it wasn't a dream. "What are you doing here?" she asked hoarsely. She's been alone in the isolate of her home for over 10 days, she hadn't said anything to anyone in days and that was evident in her raspy voice.

"You haven't gone into your room yet, have you? The bed isn't made and there was blood on the pillow… I can change the sheet if you want. We can throw this set away. I'm sure you paid a lot of money of them but I get the feeling that you never want to see them again."

"What are you doing here?" Addison repeated.

"I've been calling you for days. Mark has been trying to get in touch. Nancy and Savvy were surprised to hear you're in New York… What's going on, Addison?" Carolyn asked, taking a seat at the edge of the bed and taking Addison's hand into hers. "You know you can tell me, honey. I'm here for you."

"Well, you don't need to be. You're not my mother. You're not even my mother-in-law anymore…" Addison paused and looked the woman in her eyes.

"Oh, come on, Addison. You're really going to pull that on me? Your mother was not there the day you were graduating medical school. In fact, if I recall correctly, neither of your parents were there. You didn't go to your mother when you had you had that pregnancy scare during your intern year. You speak to her twice a year and see her like once every two or three years. And I'm sure you haven't even told her about your rape. I've always been there for you. You're told me on more than one occasion that I'm more of a mother to you than she ever was. You've also mentioned that she's never told you she loves you or shown any type of affection."

"You weren't doing any of those thing for me. You did all of that for Derek. Because I was Derek's wife and you need me to be comfortable in your family. But if you had the choice, you wouldn't have allowed Derek to marry me." Addison replied quickly as rebuttal for Carolyn's statement. "And now we've separated and we've divorcing which means I'm not his wife anymore and that means I'm not a third wheel in your family anymore. You don't have to force yourself to like me anymore."

"Addison, this is just you being defensive. You've isolated yourself, you've pushed away everyone who cares about you. And the thing is, everyone's let you push them away. I'm not letting you push me away. I'm staying here until you get out of bed and eat something and you need to shower and change. Then we can go out just for you to breathe fresh air, well, not fresh, this is New York."

Addison turned her back to Carolyn, "Will you just please leave me alone? I just really need to alone."

"You're in depression, Addison. I can't allow myself to just walk away as if I don't care that you're hurting. I know it's hard to see right now, but you've got your whole life ahead of you. You just need to get back on the horse and keep fighting."

"Why would I keep fighting?" Addison asked rhetorically. "I've got no one, do you understand what that's like? No, you don't. You c_an't _because you've got five kids, six including Mark who are always going to need you and love you. I don't have any children to give me a reason to keep fighting for better times. My parents couldn't possibly care less about me or my happiness. All I had was a husband who I thought loved me enough to make up for all of that. He was my reason to get up every morning, he was the reason I tried to be the best I can be. Now he's in love with someone I can't possibly compete with and I'm back to having no one." She paused to take a breath and silence took over the room. After a few seconds she added, "So, no, I'm going to push forward with my life."

"Addie, you haven't lost Derek. Derek would be here for you in a heartbeat if you would allow him to come. He still cares about you deeply. And Mark cares for you as if is your overprotective big brother. All of my girls think of you as a sister. I care of you like a daughter, Addison. I may have not approved of you for years but in recent months I understood that I was wrong and once I put that judgment aside, I realized you're an amazing person and that Derek was lucky to find you and we should have appreciated having someone as selfless as you in our family. I care about you too much, I love you too much to walk away while you're like this."

"13 years of trying and you finally approve of me just in time for the divorce. That's perfect."

* * *

><p>"Uncle Derek!" Nancy's 10 year old daughter ran toward him as soon as he stepped into the house for her birthday party. She expectedly jumped into his arms and he hugged her tightly. After putting her down, he handed over a small envelope and shrugged his shoulders unceremoniously. "I'm too good with shopping. I have no idea what a nine year old girl would want."<p>

"A Gift Card?" Amelia muttered with a raised brow, mumbling so no one could really hear her. "Although I suppose she should be happy with it because it you actually went shopping she would be proud owners of a horrendous sweater with sequins in the form of some ugly creature."

"Amelia." Carolyn scolded, nudging her arm slightly so she could get the message to keep quiet. "Addison used to do all the shopping. He doesn't really know how to do things like that on his own yet. It will take time."

"And whose fault is it that she's no longer by his side to continue to do that for him?" Amelia said to her mother. It was no secret that she and Derek were not on good terms. She resented him and hid it for Addison's sake while they were together. But with her gone, there was no reason to pretend.

"Speaking of Addie, where is she?" Derek asked his mother curiously. He looked the crowned house but she didn't catch his eye. He was usually always able to spot her, no matter how crowded the room got. It was almost like some type of ESP connection he had with her.

"Addie's not with you?" Anna, his niece, asked with her expression suddenly becoming sadder. "She didn't want to come to come to my birthday party?"

Derek eyes scanned the room for his sister for an explanation but couldn't see her either. So he looked to his mother for help.

"Anna, your Uncle Derek and Addison are getting divorced. That's why she's not here with him today." She told the girl softly. "Uncle Derek is dating someone new and I'm sure you will like her just as much as you like Addison."

"I didn't just like Addison. I really loved her. She was awesome. She was my favorite aunt. She let me skip school once and we went and got manicures and pedicures together than we had lunch at this celebrity hot spot by Time Square and we went to see a movie…it was awesome. No one else every lets us skip school to have fun. She promised me she'd take me shopping for our first pair of high heels! She said she was gonna teach me how to walk in them. And she was supposed to teach me how to do my make-up!"

"I'll teach you how to do our make-up. And there is still a few years before we even have to think about it." Amelia replied.

Anna shook her head. "You look like someone punched you when you put on eye shadow."

"Well then your mom can teach you." Carolyn responded.

Again, Anna shook her head in response. "Addison _has_ to teach us how to do our make-up. Mom always looks like Grandma when she doesn't her make-up. Addie was actually good at make-up! How come she hasn't even called? She always called when she couldn't make it to my birthday because of work. And she would always promise to make it up to me. That ditch day was her making up for missing a birthday because of some convention in Boston."

"Honey, when a couple decides to divorce it means that they are not able to get along with one another. All the mistakes they've made over the years come back to hurt them and they can't forgive one another anymore. They usually don't keep in touch with one another and they don't keep in touch with one another's families. Derek is your uncle, Addison was your aunt by proxy. She's not anymore because of the divorce. She's got no obligation to be here or call you for your birthday. She's moving on with her life. I know it's hard to accept and understand but that's part of life."

"Obligation?" Anna asked sadly. "That's all we were to her?"

"Mom, will you stop talking before you say anything else that will ruin her birthday party." Amelia hissed through her teeth while glaring at her brother.

Derek spotted Nancy walking through the house with her infant son in her arms. He ran over to catch up with her and greeted her quickly so he could move on to his point. "You didn't invite Addison?"

"I did invite her. She never replied and she hasn't been answering my calls or emails or texts. I figured that she probably doesn't want to keep in touch because of the divorce and I decided to respect that choice of hers. I just haven't told the kids because I didn't want to ruin Anna's birthday by telling them that their favorite aunt won't be coming to her birthday because their favorite Uncle broke her heart and caused her to leave him."

"Well, mom did you the favor of telling Anna. She ran away and locked herself in her room. She doesn't to talk to me or anyone else for that matter, which is understandable, I guess. I think I saw Eliza go in there so she'll be finding out soon. And we all know Eliza is the talker in the family so once she knows all the other kids will find out."

An few hours later Derek showed up at the Brownstone and used his old key to let himself into the house. He walked around checking every room for Addison and finally found her in the guest bedroom that they rarely used back when he was still living there with her.

"Hey." He whispered softly so he wouldn't startle her. When he didn't get an answer he realized that she was asleep so he moved closer to her and brushed his chuckles against her cheek. He was about to lean in for a kiss but stopped himself when he realized that he no longer has that right. Old habits die hard. "Addison." He called out a little loader to wake her.

She slowly opened her heavy eyes and started at him as if she's imagining his presence. She extended her arm toward him and whispered, "Are you always going to be in my dreams?" When her hand actually came in connect with his, her eyes widened. She realized it wasn't a dream and quickly pulled away from him. "Get out of my house."

"I will. I just wanted to see you. I was at Nancy's. Today is the Anna's birthday. She were disappointed that you were not there, you're her favorite aunt. I figured I'd just sneak out and come check on you. I haven't seen you in months. It's hard after being with you for so many years."

Addison didn't say anything. She didn't even bother maintaining eye contact with him anymore.

"You're pale and you've lost too much weight. You've got nothing but an empty pizza box and like a dozen of empty wine bottles in your kitchen. That's not healthy. You need more something more substantial. I'm worried about you."

"Well don't." she replied firmly. "I'm no longer an obligation to you, Derek. I'm not yours to worry about. We're getting divorced, what I do is none of your business."

"This is not about obligation, Addie. I care about you. I love you…" he trailed off, looking into her eyes in search of something to tell him that she may feel the same about him.

"Life doesn't come with unlimited chances. You already used up all of yours You're too late, Derek."

* * *

><p>Sorry for the wait, guys. It was finals week : Anyway, wait until you see what happens next! It's quite unexpected, at least in my opinion.  
>REVIEW! Thanks for reading.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Mark arrived at the Shepherd brownstone one afternoon and shoved his hand into the dirt of the plant beside the door to find the secret key. His brow rose suspiciously when he realized the hidden key was missing. But determined to get in, Mark started knocking on the door.

"I know you're home, Addison! Open the door." He yelled in addition to the persistent banging.

To his surprise, Addison opened the door and stood there looking at him. "I thought you were the delivery guy from the Chinese place." She mumbled.

"Does that delivery guy usually bang on the door hard enough to break it and scream 'I know you're home, Addison'?" he asked her with a questioning look on his face.

"I didn't hear that. I just heard the insistent knocking, and yes, the delivery guy from the Chinese place does get aggressive with his knocking if you don't open it immediately." She replied and opened the door for him to step in. "I don't want the old hag next door to hear everything we talk about. She is like a spy or something…"

Mark stepped into the house and followed her into the living room. She made herself comfortable on the couch, taking the last sip from her wine glass before refilling it with the newly opened bottle of red wine right beside it. "It's 1:00, Ads, you're drinking already?"

"It's 5 o'clock somewhere, right?" she replied with a shrug. "I'm feeling particularly nice today. If you go grab a glass for yourself, I'll share." She told him.

"I can't drink, it's my lunch break, that's why I'm here. I have to go back to work and I can't have alcohol in my system before surgery." He explained.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Work is such a joy kill." She mumbled and took another sip from the now full glass of wine.

Mark looked at her strangely. "What the hell are you talking about? What happen to you? You love your job. You love surgery. You love handing a mother her new baby. You love walking out of an OR knowing that you just saved someone who would be dead without your insane surgical skills."

Addison looked up at him, "Yeah, that was pretty awesome…" she mumbled. "I haven't been in an OR in so long that I guess I kind forgot about it. Lately the only thing I'm in the mood to do is drink myself to numbness then sleep it off."

"Well, you said you have Chinese on the way so at least you're eating again. Derek was really worried that you'd pass out because of a lack of nutrition. He says the only thing that looked edible in your kitchen was a pizza that looked questionably old. He'll be pretty relieve to hear that you ordered in today. And he's really worried about all the booze you've been consuming…he's paranoid because you're here alone and you're drinking so much so if you get alcohol poisoning no one would be around to care for you."

"You spoke to Derek? Derek told you he's worried about me?" Addison asked doubtfully.

"Yeah, of course I spoke to him. He's my best friend. He's actually staying with me…in your room. I hadn't changed the sheets after you left, I got lazy. And when he came I was going to change them for him but he didn't let me. He told me to leave it as it is because the pillow smells like your shampoo. At first I found that a little creepy and disgusting but the more I thought about the sweeter it seems. He really misses you; he's genuinely worried about you. He refuses to leave New York until he gets the impression that you're going to be okay. If that's not love then I have no idea what the fuck love is."

"You think Derek still loves me?"

"Loves you? I think the man is obsessively in love with you." Mark paused, tilting his head in consideration before adding, "But then again, I also think he is an idiot for not realizing that before he cheated and caused this catastrophic depression but whatever. We're focusing on the positive, not the negative."

"So he sent you here to tell me that?"

"No! He doesn't know I'm here. I came because I'm worried about you. Mom and Derek call one another every night and discuss how terrible your condition seemed when they came to see you. I didn't believe it could be as bad as they described so I came."

"I was pretty bad when they were here." Addison mumbled in recollection.

"I know. Carolyn says you looked like you hadn't gotten out of bed in days. No showering, no changing, no moving…Derek said you were wearing his CBGB shirt, I notice that you are now wearing a Yale sweater and actual sweat pants and your hair isn't oily so I assume you're now at a point where you're okay with showering and wearing clean clothing."

"I'm glad you see that as a step in the right direction."

"It is a step in the right direction. You're out of bed, you're showering, you're wearing clothes, you're eating actual food…that's good. You're still not leaving the house and you are drinking at 1:08 in the afternoon but still…you've made progress. Derek will be ecstatic to hear about it."

"Why is this all about Derek and how he feels?" Addison set her glass down on the table and looked at Mark expecting an answer.

"It's not about Derek. It's about you. It's about how you feel and what's happening to you. Derek's just concerned. I'm concerned, and Mom, Mom is concerned." He took a deep breath before stepping toward her and moving the glass and bottle of wine out of reach to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "You told Carolyn that you feel like no one cares about you. You said you have no reason to keep fighting for better times. You believe that Derek is the only one that ever loved you, and now you're questioning if he ever really did and you're self-loathing because you feel like your life doesn't matter to anyone…"

"So now she tells everyone what I tell her?" Addison asked in an annoyed tone, shaking her head in frustration in the meanwhile.

"No, she was telling Derek because she wanted him to prove you wrong. But I've been really worried about you too so I secretly listen to their phone calls. It's not too hard if you put the phone on mute, then they can't hear you."

"You should meet my next door neighbor. She loves sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong. Especially if it pertains to me." Addison replied, a touch of sarcasm dripping from her tone.

"Oh, the sarcasm is back. That's defiantly a good sign. But anyway, I don't know if Derek spoke to you about that but I wanted to tell you you're wrong. You do matter to people. You matter to a lot of people."

"Really? Like who? And don't say my patients because I'm ranked #2 internationally. #1 is in England, that's not too far. There are 8 people who do what I do and all of them would be able to help my patients."

"I mean people who know you, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. Not people who know Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Okay, and who would those people be?"

"Me!" Mark exclaimed. "I care! I care a whole-fucking-lot. I love you, god dammit…Ew, not like that. Like a little sister. Although you're like 8 months younger than me so I don't know if that qualifies as little sister. I've only gone out with 4 different women in the last 10 days because I'd rather sit at home and listen to Derek nag about how worried he is about you. Which brings us to Person #2, Derek. And he does love you in that ew sort of way. He man sniffs your pillow. Enough said, don't you think? Person 3: Mom! I mean, she never really liked you honestly, I don't know if you knew that but now she acts like you're her only daughter and her mission is to protect you from getting hurt. Person 4: Nancy. She hasn't been shopping in months because she says it feels weird to do that without consulting you about everything she buys. This is Nancy we're talking about. Nancy hasn't gone shopping, do you get that? Then there is Anna, who was absolutely fucking devastated that you weren't at her birthday and that you and Derek are over. She likes you more than all the rest of the family. I'm not sure if anyone's told Amelia because no one tells her anything because no one bothers to keep in touch with her, but I'm sure she'd freak out if she knew. She always said you were than all her other sisters. Oh, then there is your brother, who I know you haven't been speaking to because you don't want him to know and worry but I happen to keep in touch and trust me, he's worried. If I didn't promise to take care of you and talk him out of coming to see you, he'd be dragging your ass to a therapist right now…Although a therapist might not be a bad idea."

"Okay, Mark, I get it. You can stop talking now."

"You get it?" Mark asked slowly.

"I get it, there are people who care." She replied softly. "I do have people that worry."

Mark nodded in agreement. "That's all I'm saying. You have people who care, people who need you to fight. If not for anyone else, think of poor Nancy's neglected credit cards."

Addison couldn't help but laugh. "Your right, we wouldn't want those credit cards to feel neglected."

"I'm glad we see eye to eye." Mark teased back. "Well, I've got to get back to work. I will call or text later tonight. If you don't answer I will come over here. Do I make myself clear?

"Crystal." She responded.

Mark nodded approvingly before getting off the coffee table and taking the wine with him.

"Woah, woah, where are you taking my wine?" Addison asked, getting up to follow him to the kitchen where he poured the contents of the bottle and the glass down the drain. "Mark, that stuff is 400 bucks per bottle and that was the last one!"

"Let's put it this way, you can't afford for me not to get rid of it. You becoming an addict will cost you more than 400 bucks per bottle. And you've witnessed addiction first hand; you know it's not easy. That's a road you don't want to head down." He replied, handing her back the empty bottle before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "See you later."

After eating her Chinese food, Addison decided to go back to bed, except she didn't get under the covers in a drunken condition and cry herself to sleep. She watched a Sex and the City marathon on E! until 10pm when she felt like she couldn't stay awake for another episode. Just when she closed her eyes she heard her cell phone buzz and reached for the nightstand to check the text. She expected a call from Mark but to her surprise, it was Derek. She froze, unsure of whether or not to answer the call. After the fourth ring, Addison finally decided to pick up.

"Hi, Derek." She said softly.

"Addison!" he exclaimed. "Thank god you answered, I was about to hang up. Are you sober?"

"Excuse me?" Addison asked, the offense noted in her tone. "Who the hell are you to call me and ask if I'm drunk or sober? It stopped being your business when you chose to fuck your girlfriend while you had me convinced that we'd make it work."

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry." He replied softly. "I asked because I need you to come to the hospital. Nancy and I really need you to come to the hospital and if you've been drinking then you won't be much help…"

"I'm not drunk, Derek. I haven't had anything to drink for at least eight hours. I don't want to get addicted to that stuff. My life sucks but no amount of wine is going to make it any better."

"Addie, I called a car service to come pick you up, they should be there soon. They are a very reputable company so you have nothing to worry about. I need you to get dressed quickly and get to Mount Sinai ASAP, okay? I spoke to the Chief and he's reinstated your rights at the hospital. I've got your badge with me."

"Hold on a second, Derek, what the hell are you talking about? I may be taking small steps forward but I'm nowhere near ready to get back to work and I resent that you could make that decision for me!"

"It's not that I made the decision for you, it's not like I'm scheduling surgeries and recrowning you head of all 90 fields you specialized in, I just need you to have your rights tonight."

"What happen, Derek?" she asked

"Jess was…" he paused to take a deep breath. "Jess was attacked earlier tonight. She was raped, actually. She went to a friend's birthday party and there was alcohol and kids got drunk. She says her boyfriend was one of the people to get totally trashed, he raped her when she wouldn't agree to sleep with him."

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as possible." Addison whispered.

* * *

><p>Forty five minutes later, Addison walked toward the nurse's station of the ER where Derek and his sister were standing silently. "Hey." She said quietly, causing both their eyes to shift toward her. "I'm sorry I took so long, the driver says he got lost on the way to the brownstone."<p>

"It's fine, at least you're here now." Derek replied, handing her the chart with her hospital ID on top of it. "Jess is in triage 4. She let a nurse take her vitals and blood but that's it. She hasn't spoken to anyone; she doesn't want anyone touching her. Labs came back clean; she was not lying about not drinking which leads us to believe that she can't be lying about the rest of it."

Addison nodded while quickly skimming through the chart the nurse had started. She looked up to see Nancy's teary eyes and placed a hand on her sister-in-law's shoulder. "I'll take care of her, okay? Try not to worry too much. Where are Anna and Jackson?" Addison asked.

"With their dad. I didn't tell him. If I told him, he'd go find that bastard boyfriend of hers and kill him. He was against that idiot from day one, he said letting Jess date at 14 is way too early and I thought that was such an old fashioned way to look at it. I figured it was a harmless middle school fling. If we had forbid it, if I had agreed with him and told her she can't date, this wouldn't have happened. I don't know how I'm going to tell him. She's our firstborn, Addie. She had him wrapped around her finger since day one, you know how much connected he is with her. He will literally kill anyone who hurts Jessica." Nancy replied.

"I know he will, and it will be hard for him, this will be hard for all of you guys but this isn't your fault. You couldn't have know letting her have her an innocent teenage romance would lead to this. And just so you know, I'll always be here to help her without anything I can. You know I love her as if she were my own child, I'll do everything I can for her. She's going to be okay, Nancy." Addison promised.

"How can you say that? You know what this is like better than any of the rest of us. She might be fine physically but emotionally…" Nancy paused to sniffle and wipe away a tear gliding down her cheek. "Your whole life fell apart after your rape, nothing is ever going to be the same again no matter how many of us try to help. And now Jessica is in the same position and I'm freaking out because after seeing you go through the same thing, I understand that I can't do anything for her."

"You're right, this is not going to be easy for any of you and you're also right in saying that nothing will ever be the same for her or for you." Addison paused for half a second, her eyes shifting over to meet Derek's before continuing. "The best thing all of you, as her family, can do for her, is staying by her side through the highs and the lows and constantly reminding her that she's safe and loved."

"Addison, I didn't…" Derek started but she didn't let him finish.

"I'm gonna go see if Jess is will talk to me and let me examine her." Addison said, interrupting whatever Derek was trying to tell her. She clipped her hospital ID to the bottom of her casual V-neck shirt and then she turned around to walk away without giving him the chance to finish.

* * *

><p>Derek's niece needing Addison was AmyHale's idea for a crisis. My ideas were way too dramatic. Idea A- Addison gets attacked again. Idea B- Derek is in a car accident which leaves him in a possibly fatal condition. That would have been way too dramatic, so I took her suggestion.<p>

Hope you liked the chapter! Let me know what you think. BTW- there are two chapters left after this one.


	15. Chapter 15

"Jess." Addison said softly as she let herself into the small exam room in the ER. She closed the door behind her and tossed the file onto the counter beside the sink before crossing her arms across her chest and looking at the young girl. "You're not even going to say 'hi'?" she asked.

"You cheated on my favorite Uncle."

"He's your only uncle." Addison replied. "And I didn't cheat on him."

"He's not my only uncle. My dad has two brothers." Jessica reminded Addison. "And I doubt you didn't cheat on him. I was there when he told Mom, Grandma and Aunt Kathy."

"Well, he was wrong. And your entire family now knows he was wrong. Derek walked in and saw something that could have easily been misunderstood and I should have tried harder to explain." Addison explained to her niece.

"How could that be misunderstood?" Jess asked, narrowing her eyes as she posed the question.

"Two men broke into our house and they raped me. Mark came over with dinner at that point, he caught them and he was trying to calm me down and get me dressed so he could take me to the hospital. He didn't want your uncle to come home and find me naked and distraught, he wanted to help. But as he was trying to get me dressed, Derek came home and when he saw Mark helping naked me, his mind went somewhere else."

"You've been raped?" Jess asked. She looked at her aunt speechlessly for a few seconds the continued, "Is that why you're here?"

"Derek and your Mom called me and they all but begged me to come. They say you're not talking to anyone and you're not letting a doctor examine you to see what happened. They were hoping I could get through to you because you used to come to me and trust me with everything. And I've been through this recently so the first-hand experience might be helpful."

Jessica looked into Addison's eyes for a split second then looked down to the floor. "The first doctor that came in here was a guy and there is no way I'm letting a guy touch me right now. The second one was a chick but she seemed like such a snappy ass-hole. And the third was re_ally _old, like grandma's age and that's creepy to me and she was so judgmental…"

"Okay, well, I'm not a guy. I've got two witnesses outside that will vouch for it. My husband, who before the rape, used to see my naked quite frequently and then there is your mother, my doctor and they'll both confirm that I am, in fact female, in case you have any doubts. So you can't use that excuse on me." Addison replied jokingly to help lighten the mood for the teen.

"Ew, please don't go into any more details about what Uncle Derek has seen or done with you." Jess replied, her nose scrunching up with disgust at the thought of a sexual relationship between two of her favorite relatives.

"Anyway, I'm not snappy and I hope I'm not an ass-hole and I can't be judgmental considering I was in your place not too long ago." Addison continued. "Jess, you need to let me help you. Please, honey, don't do the same thing I did. Don't block yourself up and turn away people who love you and who are trying to help you."

"Okay." Jessica whispered.

Addison signed in relief and gave her niece a small smile. She took a seat on the stool and crossed her legs, "Do you want to tell me what happened?" Addison asked her delicately.

"I went to my friend's birthday party. I thought it would be a regular party, Aunt Addie, I swear, I didn't know there were no adult and kegs of beer." Jessica started defensively. "My boyfriend, Alex was invited too. Turns out, he's one of those idiots who goes crazy at the sight of booze. He and his friends drank why too much and I don't know what happened to him. It was like he was a different person. He got all horny took me into the bathroom and he begged me to have sex with him. I said no, I'm 14, I'm not ready to have sex yet…well, now I guess I have but I wasn't ready! And he wouldn't stop asking then he got pissed off and he pushed me down on the floor and did it anyway. It really hurts, Aunt Addison, I don't know how people do that for pleasure."

Addison chuckled lightly. "It's not the same, Jess. It is completely different when you're with someone you love and trust. It's hard to explain and I'm sure you don't even want me to explain because it would thoroughly freak you out." She told the child, playing a comforting hand on her knee. "But getting back to the point, were you hurt? I mean in the sense of physical wounds. Any bleeding? Scratches? Cuts? Anything?"

"I think I have something on my back, I'm not sure what it is. Probably a cut or a bruise because it really hurts."

"I can take a look for you, okay? And Jess, we need to a rape kit, honey."

"A what?"

"It's a series of small tests and procedures, nothing too painful, and everything collected off your body is put in the kit and given for forensic testing to match the suspect to the crime and then try him in court. We take everything you are wearing as evidence, there will be a blood test, I'll use a black light to see if there is any DNA dried onto your skin, there should be semen in the genital area, maybe on your inner thighs, you'll probably have saliva on your neck or near your lips, we'll use the tools they provide to scrape under your fingernails because if you fought, you'll probably have his skin cells under your nails. Then I'll collect a few pubic hairs for DNA testing of possible semen found. I'll ask you a few questions to fill out the forms in the kit, we'll take a few pictures and after we're done, I'll be sending it all in. And before you go home tonight, you'll have to talk to police to answer a few questions. You don't have to be alone during it if you don't want to be. I'll be here the whole time, if you want."

"Did you have to go through all of that?" Jessica asked her, her eyes wide with this horrendous image of what she was about to undergo.

"No, I didn't. That was another mistake on my part. I was being stupid. I thought if I came to a hospital and allowed all that to happen, then everyone would know and they would all think I'm weak. I was stupid, I took a three hour shower and scrubbed it all away then I cried myself to sleep. If I had a rape kit, my rapist would be in jail right now and that would be a huge piece of mind. I don't want you making that same mistake, okay?"

Jessica nodded her head slowly. "It just sounds scary."

Addison nodded in understanding. She reached out to the child sitting on the examination table in front of her and took her hand. "I know it does, sweetheart, but I would never advise you to do something if it wasn't in your best interest. I'll do anything I can to make it easier for you." Addison assured. "You just need to trust me, okay?"

Jessica nodded again.

"Kay, do you want me to call your mom in here to hold your hand?" Addison asked, assuming that would bring a little more comfort to the teen.

"No!" Jessica exclaimed quickly. "She's just going to come in here and sob and that's going to make me cry then you'll probably start crying and I'd just freak out if my doctor started crying in the middle of something like this so…No, I'll be okay. At least I've got my favorite aunt with me and it's not some judgmental, snappy, old man." Jessica paused, watching Addison as she took a kit out of one of the locked cabinets. "Oh my god, I just combined all of their worst qualities into one person. Imagine if a doctor like that actually showed up here, I'd probably scream."

Addison looked over her shoulder toward the teen and said, "You've got to stop thinking about the other doctors and relax. No one is going to judge you, no one will snap at you, I will not let a man or anyone over 40 anywhere near you during this."

Jessica sighed, nodding again while she watched Addison open the box and retreat a sheet of paper which she laid on the floor. "You need to carefully hop off the table, onto the sheet so any evidence like fibers or hair samples will fall onto the sheet, you're going to carefully take all your clothes off, making sure you stay on the sheet so anything that falls off your body falls on the sheet. I'll bag the clothes as you take them off, I'll get a gown ready for you so you can put it on while I finish bagging and labeling your clothes." Addison explained to her.

Jessica swallowed her own saliva before closing her eyes to take a deep breath. Then she carefully jumped off the bed, looking at her aunt who was holding a white paper bag, ready to pack away the first article of clothing. "You okay, Aunt Addison?"

"I'm fine." Addison assured, taking a deep breath herself. "Don't worry about me. Let's get started…"

* * *

><p>A few hours later Derek walked out of the ER and spotted Addison sitting on a bench a few feet away from the ambulance bay. He walked up to her and held out a Styrofoam cup for her before she could tell him to leave her alone.<p>

"Coffee, black. I know you usually drink cappuccinos and lattes and all that fancy espresso based drinks but I remembered that you drink it black when you were called on overnight…"

Addison gave him a smiled grateful smile. "Thank you." She replied as she reached for a cup.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked

"Thinking." Addison answered. "Have you seen Jess yet? Is Nancy still in there with her?"

"Yeah, she's still in there with her. Jessica doesn't want to go home because she's doesn't want her father to find out. And no, I haven't seen her. Nancy says she's uncomfortable with the idea of having a man in her room right now."

Addison nodded understandingly. "It's nothing personal, Derek, you know that right? She's been through a lot tonight."

"I know, I know." He mumbled, taking a seat next to her on the bench. They both remained silent for a while until he turned his head to look at her and asked, "I can't believe this happened to two people that I love."

"Jessica is one, who is the other?" Addison asked curiously.

Derek looked into her eyes, trying to figure out if that was a serious question. When he saw the genuine curiosity written out across her face he decided to address the question. "You, Addison." He wondered how that wasn't obvious to her from the beginning.

"Oh…" she trailed off with a slight chuckle. "Sorry, that should have been obvious. I guess I've been trying so hard to repress the memory of my own rape and it's finally starting to work."

"You're never going to forget, Addie. There are somethings that you will never be able to forget, somethings that you will never be able to forgive. This is a fucked up world and that is a part of life. The sooner you accept that, the easier it is to get passed it."

Addison nodded her head with a heavy sigh. "I hate the fact that I have to go through all of this, that I have to live with this for the rest of my life but to think that a fourteen year old is going through the same thing…that's killing me."

"Well, Ad, you don't really need me to you that rapists generally don't care how young someone is, they don't care about the aftermath of it."

"I know; that doesn't make me hate the situation any less. I'm in my thirties and I still don't know how to handle this and I'm a doctor ranked at the top of my field who's seen hundreds, maybe thousands of rape victims. Jessica is fourteen, she's in high school, she doesn't have a life established for herself. She still has her whole life to look forward to ahead of her. Finding her prince charming, getting into the college of her dreams, getting married, graduating, having kids, setting up her career, living the happily ever after…she shouldn't have to lose all of that, not this early in her life."

"What makes you think she's going to lose all of that?"

"Because I did… To some degree, I don't care what happens to me anymore. I've hit rock bottom, it's not like anything could get any worse. I quit my job, I lost my prince charming, I don't have an image of happily ever after anymore. And I would hate for Jessica to end up the same."

"You haven't lost your prince charming." He said softly, moving a little closer to her and taking her hand in his. "He's not a prince and he's certainly not as charming as he used to be but he'll always be there for you."

"Who says I was talking about you?" she asked with a serious expression.

"Oh, I …" he trailed off, trying to come up with a cover up.

"I'm kidding, Derek." Addison interrupted before he could say anything else. "I was talking about you. And you're right, you're not a prince. You're not McDreamy and I don't expect you to be. You're human, you've got flaws. And you're defiantly not as charming as you used to be but you're still more charming then most men I've met."

"Can we please not call me McDreamy? I feel like I'm a Happy Meal toy at McDonalds every time I hear that." He replied, scrunching up his nose just at the thought of it.

Addison nodded and laughed at his response while folding her legs and wrapping her arms around them to hold her knees close to her chest. "Just so you know, Derek, I'm not still mad at you for cheating. I've gotten over that. You're human, you have desires which I wasn't fulfilling and you needed to act on that instinct. I get it. You were drunk and you didn't even realize it. I forgive you for that but there is so _so _much that I will _never_ forgive you for no matter how many times you apologize."

"Like walking away from you when you needed me to stay?"

"Yeah." She confirmed. "What happen to me, it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I'm going to live with that memory every day of my life and every time I'm going to remember how easily you turned and walked away without listening to me."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry and I still love you and care about you to fight for you now. I don't know what was wrong with me then, I wasn't fighting when you needed me to fight but I'm ready to give it my all now."

"Like I said, the apology isn't worth much, but the fact that you still have feelings for me and that you're ready to fight; that's worth a lot. I still love you, too. I don't trust you, or anyone for that matter, but I love you."

Derek smiled and nodded understandingly. "I guess we're just gonna have to take things slowly until I can restore some trust in you. You call the shots, I'll leave and go back to Seattle and you can go ahead with the divorce if that's what you want. I can stay and find an apartment while I woo you all over again, or I can stay in the house with you, in a separate room until you're ready but I'd be right there beside you if you ever needed me for anything. It's all up to you."

"I don't know what I want right now, Derek." She admitted. "I'm just trying to get through things day by day without letting the hopelessness cripple me."

"That's okay, you don't need to give me an answer right now. You're worth waiting for and maybe I didn't have the patience to wait before, but now I do." He assured her and she nodded in response while he kept firm hold of her hand as they sat there in silence for a few minutes.

"Will you take me home? I need to get away from here." she whispered.

He agreed without having to think it over and escorted her to the car he rented. Trying to channel his old charming self, he held the passenger door open for her. The rode in silence all the way to the brownstone and he pulled up right go out of the car to walk her to the door, whether it was another attempt to woo or an extra measure of security, he wasn't sure.

"The dinosaur next door is watching us. She probably thinks her curtains are successfully keeping her hidden, which they're not." Addison mumbled, diverting her eyes from his to look over his shoulder toward a light illuminated window in the house next door.

"I should probably get going before she can make assumptions." Derek replied, taking a step toward the stairs leading to the sidewalk.

"I think she's already made all the assumptions she can make." Addison remarked. "Besides, I stopped caring what she thinks. That's the good part of hitting rock bottom, you stop caring what people think."

"You haven't hit rock bottom, Addison. Rock bottom would have been if you staying in bed tonight, and every night, drinking until you've become suicidal and detached. You didn't get that far, you put it behind you and got up to help someone who seriously needed you. It was a step forward."

Addison took a deep breath and turned to unlocked the door. While she twisted the key she considered what she was about to say then turned to him so say it. "Don't leave." She pled desperately. "If you leave right now, I'm going to be alone and after tonight that freaks me out more than anything else." She held her hand out toward him and hoped he would accept it.

Derek extended his arm and took her hand before walking back up the two stairs he managed to descend before she spoke. He felt her grip his hand while she led him into the house.

"I'm exhausted, I'm gonna go to bed. Do you remember where everything is? You can sleep anywhere you want. I'd tell you to take the master bedroom but I haven't been in there since that night so it's not exactly clean." she told him with a tired yawn.

"Don't worry about me. I remember where everything is and I can take care of myself. I'll be down here on the couch if you need me for anything, okay? Just remember you're not alone, I'm here with. You don't have to worry about anything." he promised. "Okay?"

Addison nodded her head and moved toward the staircase to go up to the guestroom she had been sleeping in. "Make sure to turn off the lights. If the old hag next door didn't catch a glimpse of your face she might stand outside our window so she can identify you. Trust me, falling asleep on the couch and opening your eyes to see her face in the window is not pleasant."

"You sound like you speak from experience."

"I do." Addison answered regretfully. " It's the second most traumatic experience of my life."

* * *

><p>What did you guys think? I have one more chapter in the works but it's more like an epilogue so there will be a considerable time jump. I'll try to have that done and posted ASAP but we'll see how it goes because the Spring Semester starts Monday :


	16. Chapter 16

Addison initially decided that it would be best for Derek to go back to Seattle after the one night he stayed over at the Brownstone. She drove him to the airport and stood beside him at the check-in. Right when he was about to lift his suit case on the scale to be weighed she firmly gripped his arm to stop him. She asked him to stay in New York with her and he agreed without hesitation. They hadn't looked back since, their only concern was moving forward.

Derek made the decision not to accept a full time job at a hospital. Instead he decided to teach Neuroanatomy and an elective brain mapping course at Columbia, his alma mater. He only accepted cases that were rare and too risky for other Neurosurgeons to tackle. He wanted to show Addison that he was willing to make major changes to work on their relationship and although she never acknowledged it, he knew she appreciated it.

Addison received very tempting offer from Mount Sinai, she was asked to take over her old position as head of gynecology, obstetrics and neonatology and to be a consulting physician of medical genetics. She was given the option to choose her own hours and make any changes to her departments which she found necessary. Her first instinct was the turn down the offer over the fear that she wouldn't be able to handle the stress but Derek urged her to accept it and promised to stand by her side and help her as much as possible.

* * *

><p>Addison walked in through the door after an excruciatingly long day of work. She followed the illuminated light leading to the living room and smiled when she saw Derek sitting on the couch slumped over a flood of papers on the coffee table.<p>

"Hey." She mumbled as she set her coat, briefcase and purse down on the armchair. "What's going on here?"

"My TA quit on me. So I have to grade all of this in time for my next class. And that's tomorrow morning at 8 am."

"Well what exactly are you grading? Anything I can help with?" Addison asked.

"I am grading midterms. You can help, if you want. If you're tired you don't have to, I'll manage. You can just lie down here and keep me company."

"No, I can help." She smiled, grabbing the spare red pen from his open brief case. She took a seat beside him on the couch and took the ungraded paper at the top of the pile. "I'll go over the answers, you score them okay? I think it would be faster that way."

"Thanks, Addie." Derek said with a smile as he passed over the answer key.

"This is your third semester teaching at Columbia and I don't think I've ever asked you what you think of it. Do you hate it? If you do, you don't have to do it, Derek. You can go back to surgery. You've proved that you'll never put that before me again." she asked after a few minutes.

Derek shrugged, "It's a lot less stressful, I've got a lot more time on my hands. I like being home by like 6. Before I considered midnight to be early. And of course, that means I have a lot more time with you and I really love that. So, no, I don't want to give up teaching and go back to a minimum of 70 hour work weeks."

Addison smiled in response. "You mean you don't mind that you went from making 2 million a year to like 200 grand?" she teased.

"It's 200 grand plus whatever I earn from the hospital on the occasional weekend consults." He corrected defensively. "Besides, I know you've secretly been making more than me since Richard hired you."

Addison grinned proudly in confirmation and dropped the pen from her right hand and turned to Derek. She moved over a little closer to him and reached out to caress his face. "I love you." She whispered.

"Because suddenly I make significantly less than you do?" Derek asked, looking at her with a raised brow.

"Because you don't care that you're making less and that you do it because it means you have more time to dedicate to your family." She explained, pecking his lips softly. "I miss you."

"You saw me this morning." He reminded her with a soft chuckle. "And we had lunch together."

"No, Derek, I mean I physically miss you." She explained.

He gave her this look this which reminded her why she had fallen in love back in medical school, the look that made her go weak in the knees and blush like a love-sick teen. Without being able to help herself, she pulled him into a more passionate kiss and things slowly escalated from there.

All of a sudden they were no longer seated. Derek had Addison cradled in his arms to take her up to the bedroom they had just recently started sharing after a major renovation and new furniture to shed the terrible memories. While he was entirely focused on going up the narrow staircases without hitting her head, Addison's focus was directed toward kissing her way down his neck.

Once they got to the room, Derek gently put her down on the bed and kicked his pants off before his body moved over hers. He kissed her lips, preparing to tear off her shirt so he could go further when the realization of what was going on hit him. "Addison…" he exhaled, breaking away from the kiss to look at her.

Addison knew he was worried about her, worried because this would their first time making love since her rape almost two years prior. "I'm okay." She promised, her hands reaching up to cup either side of his face. "I love you and I trust you." She told him.

His hands moved down her sides to pull off the shirt she was wearing, he would have torn it off but he was sure she'd hate him for that in the morning. He'd learned early on in their marriage that sex could never be good enough to be worth losing a designer shirt over. "Just tell me if this becomes too much for you. If you don't feel comfortable at any point, we can stop. Okay?" he replied while tossing the shirt aside.

Addison nodded, "I'll be fine. Just remember to take things slowly." She said, lifting her body slightly to help him pull off her skin tight skirt. She felt his lips on her now bare abdomen, the kisses slowly moving upwards and she couldn't help but moan. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been so intimate with her husband.

Derek released a sensual groan as soon as he finally reached her breasts but after just one kiss he pulled away causing her to whimper in disappointment. "Are you okay?" he asked just to double check that she hadn't changed her mind about what was going on.

"Derek, I have nothing but a pair of panties on and even that is frustrating me. I need this, okay? I need this to happen and I need it to happen now because the anticipation is killing me. It's been a very long time, just in case you forgot."

"Well, good things come to those who wait." He reminded her, lowering his body back over hers.

Addison felt his hardness against her bare leg and she groaned, realizing his boxers where still there as a barrier between them. Her hands moved down his sides, pushing the boxers off before she reached down to pull off the lacy panties she still had on.

"No, I'll do it." He told her, replacing her hands with his. She fell back on the bed and groaned while he slowly pulled the underwear down her legs.

"Honey, I know I said slow but this is too slow." She told him impatiently, kicking off the panties so he could turn his attention back to her.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to explain to you how incredibly beautiful you are." He replied, his lips now moving up her neck to that one spot that would always make her melt in his arms.

"I forgot how amazing all of this felt." She whispered.

"And we haven't even gotten to the good part yet." He teased.

Addison hands moved from Derek's neck to his hair. She loved when he let it grow out a little, being able to run her fingers through it always gave her some type of unexplainable gratification. She moaned again when she felt his lips hovering over hers.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his lips still looming a mere centimeter from hers.

She nodded eagerly, using the hands lost in his hair to pull him into another kiss. "I'm ready." She whispered.

He slowly and cautiously pressed into her, pausing to hover over her and look into her eyes for a few second. His hand reached for her face, wiping away a single tear sliding down her cheek. "Are you okay?" he asked for the third time.

"I'm fine, just remember not to go too fast and I'll be okay." She replied quietly.

Derek nodded, bring his face closer to kiss her again. There was slow movement, nothing to startle her and she slowly let herself adjust before slowly starting to move her hips to meet his effort. Derek groaned slightly, looking into her eyes to see a passion he hadn't seen in years.

"Addison…" he called out, lowering his chest over hers close enough to feel her pounding heart. He felt her fingers claw into his back, her recently manicured nails lightly scratching him. Her arms tightened around him and she arched her back and pressed her lips to his.

They were both covered in little beads of sweat and she could feel her muscles preparing to contract. "Faster, Derek. I need you to go a little faster." She begged.

On her command, he moved a little faster, his breathing becoming heavier by the second. His face nuzzled into the crook of her neck as increased his pace to meet her increased effort.

Addison's eyes closed, her entire body being overtaken by a long forgotten sense of ecstasy. "Oh my god." She whispered in the midst, feeling him reach his peak with her. Things slowed down before he collapsed down beside her with a heavy breath.

"I love you." He whispered when she placed her head on his chest while he heaved to catch his breath. He wrapped his arm around her waist to hold her close and felt her tangle her legs with his.

"I love you, too." She replied softly.

* * *

><p>Two Months Later<p>

Addison looked up from the post-op notes she was writing when she heard a quiet knock on her door. The door creaked open and she knew someone was standing outside deliberating whether or not to go in. After a few seconds her niece stuck her head in through the crack.

"Addie?" the teen called out softly.

"Hey." Addison smiled, motioning for her to come in. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

Jessica sighed and collapsed down on one of the chairs in front of Addison's desk. "I ran away from school after second period." She informed her aunt quietly.

"You ran away from school…" she trailed off before looking the teen in the eyes. "Is that the softer and more emotional way of saying you're ditching?"

"No…well maybe. I'm not sure. I wouldn't call this ditching because ditching involves not going to school to do something insane and fun. Why would I ditch school and come to a hospital?" she replied.

Addison shrugged in response. "Maybe because you desperately wanted to hang out with your bitchin' awesome aunt." She teased.

"I do have something to talk to you about." Jessica started. "Do you have time?"

"It's been a pretty hectic day so far, Jess, but I'll always make time for you. I thought you'd know that by now." Addison replied. "What's going on? Everything okay?"

"There is this guy…"Jessica started.

"What guy? One of Alex's friends? Are they still bullying you after Alex was convicted, Jess?" Addison asked in concern.

"He was friends with Alex but no, he's not bullying me like everyone else. I feel like he's on my side. He always stands up for me and tries to protect me when everyone else is taking shots. He's been this perfectly charming, completely idealistic guy and he asked me out and I'm freaking out. First of all, why would he ask someone like me? And second, do you know what teenage boys want?"

"He does sound like a great guy and sometimes it is too good to be true. I don't know him so I can't tell him if he's trustworthy or not, but if your gut instinct is to trust him I'd tell you to go for it."

"What if he hurts me?"

"Honey, you never know if they're going to hurt you or not. You take a leap of faith and give them a chance and if you feel something bad coming you walk away…"

"You didn't walk away, you went after him."

"The first time, yes, the second time I ran, not walked. He's the one that came after me and he put in effort to make it work. I had to take another leap of faith and trust that he wouldn't hurt me again. I took a chance and I'm glad I did."

"So you think I should go out and have sex with him."

"Woah, No! I did not say that. I told you to give him a chance, not have sex with him. Having sex is a huge, _huge_ step to take and even more so after a rape. So no, I wouldn't advise you to go for it. You should wait until you find the one person you trust enough to take that step with him. This may be him, I don't know, but you shouldn't do anything until you're positive."

"How do I know if I'm ready?" Jessica asked timidly.

"You know." Addison promised. "After a rape you can't rush it. You have to wait until your physically and mentally comfortable with being that intimate with someone and when you're ready you will know."

"Dr. Shepherd." A timid voice called out from the door causing both Addison and Jessica to redirect their attention toward that direction.

"Yes, Dr. Berger, what did you need?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I have the CT you ordered on the Douglas baby. I think he's got a tumor pressing against his lung but I'm not sure."

"What do you mean you're not sure? You've got to be sure Berger, we can't tell this family that their three month old maybe has a tumor. He either does or he doesn't! And if he does, you need to know it, you need to know what kind of mass it is, where exactly it is and what the threats are and what the solution is. You don't have time to make a 'maybe' diagnosis!" Addison snapped impatiently, getting up from her desk to snatch the CT results from his hand. "Where is the updated chart for Mrs. Bowley?

"I haven't gotten to it yet, Dr. Shepherd."

"Oh, I see, that's fine. Her surgery is in two hours but that's fine, I can go in there without knowing her medical history and pre-op evaluation. What's the worst that could happen, right?" she replied with sarcasm dripping form her every word. "Get your ass in gear and get it done. I need that on my desk in half an hour."

The intern nodded and quickly left the office leaving behind a very disappointed Addison.

"Bitchin' awesome aunt or just bitchin' aunt?" Jessica asked from her seat as Addison went back around her desk to take a seat.

"What?"

"You've been very snappy this past month." Jessica pointed out to her. "…Especially over food."

"I have not."

"Remember when we went to Starbucks together last week? You had the barista fired because you said there was barely any caramel in your caramel macchiato."

"That was the worst macchiato I've ever had! I threw up non-stop for three days after drinking that thing. The milk must have been old or something like that."

Jessica shook her head, "Anna and I were with you, remember? She had hot chocolate and I had the same thing you had. I'm pretty sure they used the same milk for all it. We were both fine."

"I have a sensitive stomach." Addison replied defensively.

Jessica shook her head and laughed. "Uncle Derek says yesterday you hate Italian food with soy sauce. That does not sound like something someone with a sensitive stomach would do."

"It was awesome." Addison informed her niece. "Bruschetta with soy sauce is like a natural combo. Oh and ceaser salad with soy sauce… so good."

"Bruschetta with soy sauce, maybe." Jessica replied then cringed in disgust before continuing, "Caesar salad and soy sauce, quite possibly the nastiest thing I've ever heard. If I didn't know any better I'd say you're pregnant."

Addison's eyes widened, she got up from her seat and quickly moved toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Jessica asked, curiosity sparking from her aunt's sudden movement.

"I just forgot something really important that I forgot to take care of." Addison lied

Jessica's eyes narrowed. "Like what?"

"Um… my Visa payment. It was due yesterday and I completely forgot. I need to go get my card."

"Your purse is right there, Addison."

"Oh, did I say Visa? I meant my car payment. I need to go down to the parking lot and umm get my registration to make an online account to start making the payments online." She lied again and quickly left before she could be questioned again.

Later on that same night Derek arrived at home the same time as he usually would on any average day. He moved to the kitchen to figure out what he could arrange for dinner and was surprised to see Addison sitting on a barstool at the marble island in the middle of the kitchen. "Hey, babe." He greeted. "What are you doing home so early? Aren't you supposed to be doing evening rounds right about now?"

Addison shook her head, her eyes still glued to the cover of the file she'd been staring at all day. "I left work a few hours early today. I've got a lot on my mind, I couldn't focus."

"Oh." Derek said, movingly close enough to peck her on the cheek. He moved toward the pantry to grab a box of Ritz crackers before going back to stake a seat on the barstool beside Addison. "Do you want to talk about it? Did something happen with a patient?"

Addison shook her head again, reaching her hand out to take a cracker from the wrapped stack he was holding. She bit the Ritz cracker in half before speaking, "Do you think we'd be good parents? Do you think we'll ever reach a point in our marriage where we'd be stable enough for a child?"

"I don't know. I would argue that we are stable enough. We know we can overcome the greatest of obstacles."

"Those obstacles almost ruined out marriage, Derek." Addison reminded him.

"Right, but it didn't. We got through our problems and we're stronger now because of it."

Addison nodded, wordlessly agreeing with him. "Jess came to see me today and she's the one that got the idea in my head so I did a blood test on myself."

"You think you might be pregnant?" Derek asked softly.

Addison nodded again.

"It would certainly explain the nausea and the strange eating habits and I guess the recent bitchiness could be hormones…She's right, pregnancy would make sense and it would be amazing for us, Addie." Derek replied.

"I'm afraid to look at the results." She admitted, pushing the sealed envelope toward him.

Derek tore the seal open with his index finger and pulled out two sheets of paper. He paid attention to every minor detail noted on the sheet in front of him. "First of all, Addison, you have to cool it with the soy sauce. Your sodium level is through the roof."

"That's what you're paying attention to? Check the damn hCG level, Derek!" Addison snapped impatiently.

"If you gave me a chance to finish you'd know the answer, Addie. Anyway, as I was saying, you need to lay off the sodium because high sodium intake causes high blood pressure and as you know, Dr. Shepherd, high blood pressure can cause complications with pregnancy."

"We can't worry about complication if we don't even have a confirmation of the pregn…oh…" she stopped midsentence and stared at him. "Are you sure?"

Derek nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. "I'm sure." He responded, letting the papers fall from his hands onto the counter as he leaned toward her to kiss her lips. "You happy?"

Addison nodded her head speechlessly.

"Addie?" Derek asked a few seconds of silence on her part. "You okay?"

"I just need a little while for it to settle in." she said quietly, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I never thought it would end like this…I mean the last few years have been insane. There have been more down than ups and this utter joy I feel right now, I never thought I'd feel that again…"

"It's not ending, Addison, it's just beginning. We've got so much ahead of us. We have a nursery to decorate and baby shopping to do, we'll have the chance to hear our child's heartbeat, find out the sex...We get to do everything you've seen other people do for your entire career. Then we get to hold our child for the first time. We've got first smiles, first steps, first word, first day of school…"

"First pair of shoes." Addison added with a smile. "Except not in that order, obviously. Shoe shopping is toward the beginning of the list."

"Yeah, I guess that would be a big deal for a woman with 103 pairs of shoes."

"You counted 103 over two years ago, Derek. It's at least 120 by now." Addison replied seriously. "And, yes, the first pair of shoes is a very big milestone. It sets the bar for all the other shoes that will come in a lifetime…I wonder if Louboutin makes baby shoes. That may a stretch but I know they have men's shoes. We should go get you a pair when we go to get the baby shoes! Baby's first shoes and Daddy's first Louboutins. That may be the most exciting shopping trip ever."

"I think you're more excited about the shoes than the pregnancy." Derek laughed teasingly.

Addison wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer from a peck on his lips. "I'm excited about everything the future holds for us. I realize that it may not always be easy, shit happens. We just need to learn to get through it and I'm reached the point where I've realized that you're the only person I'd be able to overcome anything with."

"Even if I'm the one that always screws everything up to begin with?"

"You didn't cause everything terrible that's ever happened to us, Derek." Addison told him convincingly.

"Right, I can only take credit for leaving you the night of your rape and then cheating on you after promising to make it work. That's only two of the three major problems our marriage faced…And if you consider that the rape wouldn't have happened if I were home, I'm at fault for all three the obstacles."

"The rape was not your fault." Addison insisted. "It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have changed it. You couldn't be with me all day, every day. Burrows had it all planned, he wanted to prove a point with what he did. He would have found the right time at some point or another. Besides, consider how much worse it could have been. If you were home, they might have tied you up and forced you to watch. You couldn't really do much for me in that case."

"I doubt anyone could be that cruel…"

"Derek, rapists are cruel people." She replied. "Just be grateful that you don't have that image burned in your mind. It would have been much harder for both of us to overcome…"

"Our kid is never going to understand our relationship…" Derek pondered.

"Well, there are certain things that are omitted when we convert our relationship to a fictional fairytale bedtime story for our child."

"So we're gonna start lying to him or her from the get-go so he or she will never know the truth later?"

"We're not lying. We're omitting the adultery, the rape, the plans to divorce, the depression and drinking. We'd being doing it to protect our child, Derek. It's censoring…yeah, censoring. I like that better than omitting. It makes me feel like less of a lier."

* * *

><p>5 Years Later<p>

"I want Daddy." The four and a half year old toddler whined.

"You were with Daddy all afternoon, Christopher. He explained to you that he has a very sick patient that he needs to be with tonight."

"But Daddy is always here to tell me my bedtime story. Besides, Daddy's not a doctor. He's a teacher at old people school."

"It's not a school for old people. It's college…well, not college. Medical school is technically graduate school."

Christopher raised a brow, looking at his mother in confusion. "Mommy, it's pre-school, kindergarten then college. So it's all old people." He explained to his mother in a very patient manner.

"Honey, before you were born Daddy was a full time surgeon like me. The year you were born he decided that being a doctor took too much of his time so he started teaching and only did surgery when there was someone who really, really needed him. And tonight someone got hurt very, very badly and the hospital called your daddy to help. Do you understand? And Daddy felt terrible about missing your bedtime ritual but he told me everything I have to do, okay?"

Christopher nodded, accepting defeat as he climbed into bed. Addison smiled at him and pulled the blanket up until his waist to cover his bare legs, Derek had warned her not to dare pull up the comforter any higher to avoid a tantrum. Christopher recently had decided to boycott his pajamas and sleep in boxers to be just like his dad.

"Do you know the bedtime story?" Chris asked as Addison took a seat at the edge of the full mattress. Most children under 5 had a toddler bed, Derek insisted on the full sized mattress hoping it would allow their son the wiggle room and to prevent a chance of rolling off a small bed and onto the floor. Actually, he was aiming for the queen sized but Addison had managed to talk him down. "The one about the prince from the poor country who fell in love with the rich princess in the country next to it?"

"Yeah, Buddy, I know the story." She assured her son.

"Kay, don't tell me that one. It's boring. I don't wanna tell Daddy because I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm a boy, Mommy. I don't like princesses and princes. I like stories with guns and bad guys and lots of blood…and dinosaurs."

"I can tell you that the real version of that story is not exactly like a fairytale and there were bad guys involved. But's it's a very long story and I'm not exactly a great story teller so let's just stick to the usual for tonight and then tomorrow you and your dad can come up with a new, more masculine bedtime story."

Addison watched her son's eyes starting to shut, the sleep overcoming him half way through the bedtime story. She continued telling the fictionalized story of her marriage until she heard his steady, loud breathing which indicated deep sleep. She got off the bed and pulled the covers up until her son's shoulders to keep him warm. She brushed the hair Chris inherited from his father away from his forehead to give him a soft kiss. "Trust me, Buddy, you don't wanna hear the real version of that story."

* * *

><p>1. That was my first every attempt at a sex scene so I'm sorry if it sucked.<p>

2. I had to give them a kid at the end.

3. This is the last chapter and it's chapter 16 which happens to be my favorite number and I didn't even purposely plan for it.

4. ...this was probably the longest last chapter ever! It's over 5000 words! That's longer than some of my one shots.

5. Don't forget one last review with your honest opinions!

6. Thanks for reading!


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